


Bittersweet

by BrokynSyn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Bad Parenting, Bartender Dean Winchester, Beating, Blow Jobs, Broken Bones, Chapters based on songs, Character Mentions, Child Abuse, College Student Cas, College Student Sam, Counselling, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Violence, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Guilt, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Loan Sharks, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Overdose, Panic Attacks, Psychological Torture, Rehabilitation, Repression, Sabriel - Freeform, Smut, Strip Club Owner Gabriel, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Suicide Attempt Referenced, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-03-31 21:06:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3992869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokynSyn/pseuds/BrokynSyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can a one night stand save lives?<br/>Can love be a form of Recovery?</p>
<p>When Dean falls for the cute, shy, bookworm type with angelic blue eyes after a one night stand his biggest fear is explaining why he  is so bad a relationships. However his past shows him what fear really is.</p>
<p>When Sam gets in way over his head with a really bad situation he isn't sure if anyone, even his stubborn older brother can get him out. He certianly doesn't expect help to come in this form or the fact he would like it so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Working Class Man

**Author's Note:**

> I have another fic but I have gotten writters block. I am going try really hard to continue but in the meantime I have started an AU fic.
> 
> AU where Dean is early 20's and Sam just starts College. Inspiration for fic is the song Bittersweet by Apocalyptica feat. Ville Valo and Lauri Ylonen. 
> 
> I hope you guys like it please let me know know about any editing issues or ideas you may have for the fic. Also your support is greatly appreciated so please leave Kudos and comments.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Dean Winchester. Mechanic. Bartender. Brother. 
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter Inspired Song ~ Working Class Man by Jimmy Barnes

The chill of winter set deep in Dean's bones as he walked out from the garage into the freezing evening wind. He wrapped his leather jacket further around himself tucking his hands into his pockets, the sun was just beginning to set as he stifled a yawn making his way to his car. The shiny black Impala was parked in the employee's only parking lot behind ''Singer's Automotive Repairs", as he got in the car he turned the key in the ignition and immediately cranking the heater to defrost himself. 

Dean pulled his vibrating phone from his jacket pocket and looked at caller ID before quickly tapping the answer button.  
"Sammy! How was your day, Dude?" Dean said with a small smile on his pink lips that trembled from the lingering cold.

"Hey Dean. It was good. I just thought I'd call before you started work at Casa. I'm home and I've eaten." Dean's little brother Sam sounded tired, strained and distracted as he spoke. Dean's brow crinkled in concern for the overworked younger Winchester. 

"Sounds good kid, get some sleep. I'll try not wake you up when I get home." Dean said trying to push his concerns aside.

"I can't yet. Jo is coming over we have studying to do." Sam sighed on the other end of the line.

"Homework already? Say hey to Jo for me okay?" 

"Sure thing Dean. Catch ya." Dean said his goodbyes as he put his phone back in his pocket and pulled his pride and joy into gear.

Dean worked two jobs almost every day to help put Sam through college as he studied to become a lawyer. In the morning he drove to Bobby's workshop to work a 8 hour shift working as a mechanic. Bobby and his wife Ellen Singer were friends of Dean's father John back before things got difficult. When things got bad they were always there for the boys with warm smiles and welcoming arms.

When John died four years ago, a year after Dean was supposed to graduate school which he didn't because he left, the Singer's took Dean and Sam in and treated them as their own, their daughter Jo was more than happy to have other people around that were like her. Bobby taught Dean everything he knew about cars while Ellen taught him how to cook and just as they stood by Sam's dream to go to college they encouraged Dean to get his GED before permanently giving him a senior position in the garage.

Sam had always gotten good grades at school so Dean wasn't surprised when he was accepted to University of Kansas then came the trouble of making the money so he could afford to go, Dean always did everything to make sure Sam would succeed and he would not let a lack of money stand in the way. Bobby and Ellen had done so much but had their own costs when Jo, who is the same age as Sam, was also accepted so Dean made the executive and adult decision to move him and his brother to a small two bedroom apartment closer to the campus to save Sam travel costs and get himself a second job at 'Casa Erotica'.

Dean parked his baby behind the small club before huffing a breath ready to start his next 10 hour shift. Casa Erotica was a small time strip club about two blocks from his and Sam's apartment building, the outside was simple enough with velvet rope to make the customers feel VIP and many attention grabbing flashing lights advertising live nudes. The inside was dark and loud with the only real light being a red one above the stage that had two stripper poles on either side and the bar which was lit with black lights. There were other small dull lights in the ceiling but mostly they were insignificant.

"Deano! You're late." The manager Gabriel called from his office door as Dean walked into the loading bay where the staff had toilets and lockers. Dean wasn't sure if he really liked Gabe as a person, he hadn't really known him long but he was a nice enough boss so he guessed that was good enough. 

"Hi Gabe. Sorry I just came from my other job. I had to wait for a delivery." He replied hanging his leather jacket inside his locker and swapping his stained Metallica shirt for a tight figure hugging black one that V'ed at the front and accentuated his muscular form and showing of the intricate tattoo design that peeked from under his sleeve on his bicep. The jeans he wore today at Bobby's would be fine to work in. 

"Don't make a habit of it." Was all Gabe said in reply before going back inside his office.

Dean had only been working at Casa for a few months as Sam started school in August and it was now early October but already he had gotten himself into a decent routine and had even managed to make friends.

"Hey good lookin'!" A slim red headed girl called out over the loud music as he entered the bar. Charlie had trained Dean when he first came to work at the club and they immediately hit it off bonding over their love for Star Wars and other nerdy things.

"Hey Charlie how is it tonight?" Dean said tying his apron around his waists and throwing a dry towel over his shoulder ready to start.

"It's alright for a Tuesday." She replied with a cocky smile pulling three pieces of paper from the front of her own apron that she wore over a skin tight black PVC dress that pushed up her breasts. Gabe insisted that the bar staff looked as alluring as the women on the stage and Charlie played the part with her long crimson red hair hung down her back, dark shadowy makeup that made her eyes stand out and she always wore dresses that would have any hot blooded American shifting uncomfortably. Despite the fact that Gabe also wanted her to wear ridiculously large heels which Charlie fought coming to work in converse he had given in losing out to the charm that was Charlie Bradbury.

Dean laughed as he watched the twinkle in Charlie's eye. The two of them had made their nights working together into a game to see who could get the most numbers and from the looks of things Charlie was winning but in Dean's defense he had just arrived. 

"All girls?" Dean asked as he set up his side of the bar, restocking the ice sink and making sure he had plenty of supplies to save himself having to go to the store room and annoy Gabe.

"Of course" Charlie scoffed. Handing Dean a shot of whiskey and keeping one for herself. Charlie was 110% gay and that was just one more thing Dean and her had bonded over, Dean was Bi after all. They clicked their small glasses together before throwing their heads back and swallowing the warm liquid. With one last smile they turned their attention to their stations and got to work. 

Charlie was right it was particularly busy tonight, just enough to keep them busy. Dean looked around the room, which theoretically was a just in a large rectangle shape. The door was hidden by blood red curtains on the other side of the room from the bar and the stage, tables and stools separated the two directly down the middle. To the left side of the bar was an open room where girls and their clients went for private dances. 

Benny Lafitte, another friend Dean had made was a bouncer and had the unfortunate job of standing in the middle of the dancing booths and watching through translucent materials for any misconduct. Dean nodded to his friend and raised a beer in cheers before taking a long swig, Gabriel let all of his staff drink as long as they didn't get drunk and they respected the patrons at all times. 

"I got another one." Charlie smiled smacking Dean's jeans-clad arse. "Better get into gear." Dean looked back toward Benny and the bouncer gave his own toothy smile before holding up 5 fingers. The three of them had played this game since Dean's second shift at Casa, it had started between Benny and Charlie way before that though. 

"Benny thinks he is so hot, and when I told him I was gay he saw a perfect challenge to see what girls who come in here really want." Charlie had explained before inviting him to join. Dean had laughingly agreed not think much of it but when Dean won his first night not only getting the most numbers but getting two from two different dancers and Charlie and Benny had to buy him a round of beers each after work it had become a perfect bonding thing.

Benny was by no stretch ugly, he was the same height as Dean but more substantially built, he was rough and rugged looking with a short trimmed beard but he had kind blue eyes and a southern expression. The fact was some of the girls who came to a strip club were there to see girls, Dean and Benny's chances were slim against Charlie even with Dean's upper hand of going for guys as well. Then again there was always girls night. 

Dean gave Benny the finger, which he just laughed at, before going back to his work serving customer after customer flashing his best bright smiles at them and flirting with his eyes so far it wasn't working. Dean downed the last three mouthfuls of his beer trying to hide his grin behind the bottle as Charlie made and L with her thumb and forefinger pressing into her forehead in his direction.

"Can I get a drink here please." A low, deep and velvet voice pulled Dean's attention back to his job and as he turned back to his station he fell into blue. Crystal clear ocean blue. Dean couldn't move, couldn't speak all he could do was stare into intense blue. 

"Sorry, how can I help you?" Dean said finally regaining use of his brain and tongue. The rest of the interaction went on in a blur of blue until the customer was no longer standing in front of him. 

"Charlie? Do we have regulars?" Dean asked grabbing himself another beer. 

"Yeah but your blue eyed beau isn't one of them, that's Gabe's brother." Charlie said as she wiped a glass. Dean's jaw just dropped, how was that tall, pale and sexy related to their boss. 

"What's his name?" Dean had to know him even just his name, he knew he shouldn't want the stranger but those eyes he knew they would haunt him until he learnt about the person who owned them. 

"I honestly don't know, he usually doesn't come up to the bar. He usually just comes in from out the back with Gabe and then goes to the girls dressing room, no one knows much about him other than the fact he is Gabriel's little brother and he is in his second year at KU." Charlie explains in between them serving customers and cleaning glasses. 

Mystery guy, Dean thought and from Charlie saying he always goes out the back he probably has a girlfriend who dances here. Trust him too have a moment with a straight guy. 

"We really should get back to work. I'm going to clear, you can go for break soon though when I get back. You are short of numbers by the way you only have a few hours left." Charlie chuckled and walked out from behind the bar to clear glasses and wipe down tables. 

Dean just watched her, his eyes flicking from Charlie to Benny and to the door leading to the dressing room where the boss's brother disappeared through. Of all the half naked dancers and the drunken hot frat boys in the club all Dean could think about was one guy. One he can never have. 

Benny was doing a stupid dance when Dean looked back over to the dancing room holding up one more finger and Dean almost choked on his beer as he started laughing. He needed to get back to work he was doing this for Sammy he couldn't risk slacking off and losing his job just because of blue eyes.


	2. Seize The Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song inspiration ~ Sieze the Day by Avenged Sevenfold

Castiel looked into fields of green, a shade of green that he doesn't think there was even a name for but it reminded him of a forest floor.

"Can I help you?" Holy shit that voice. Everything south of his belt buckle clenched while his stomach did a flip like that low whiskey voice shot an arrow right to his ribs. 

"Ahh... a shot of tequila and a coke no ice." Castiel said as soon as he could resemble a decent coherent thought. The bartender flicked his tongue over his bottom lip before catching it between his teeth deliciously. That movement alone was enough for a breath to hitch in Castiel's throat. 

Castiel watched while the waiter fetched his drinks, his muscular body was being hugged in all the right places by his clothes making his dick in his own jeans give a sinful stir when he let his eyes float down to his bowed legs. Along with his plump lips below cheeks with a small dusting of freckles above them are those intense eyes. Castiel was having troubles thinking straight.

"Cassie!" The voice of his brother brought Castiel back to the here and now as he collected his drinks and walked away from the bar. "Here to see Satan Girl" Gabriel said as Castiel walked towards the ladies dressing room behind the stage. 

"Her name is Meg, Gabe." He waves over his head awkwardly. Castiel barely comes in to Gabriel's club, his parent dictation still spitting their judgement in the back of his head, but when he does it's to spend most of his time with a dancer Gabe hired to entertain while dressed as a horney devil. 

He may have left his parent house two years ago but as much as he tries not to be he is still slightly shy, as he walked back through the dressing room keeps his eyes down on his feet.

"Clarence, you come baring gifts." Meg calls as she jumps up from her make up table. The girl was a petite brunette with large honey brown eyes she was dressed in a red bejewelled bra with red leather pants with heels that made her a head taller then Castiel when usually stood a few inches shorter, her make up was immaculately done with pouting dark purple lips and glitter slathered on what skin wasn't temporarily covered.

"You look good." Castiel comments meaning it, if he was someone different he would find her gorgeous, not that she wasn't she just wasn't his type. Meg looks Castiel longingly up and down. 

"So do you Clarence." Castiel smiled but he knew that Meg had a crush on him and modestly he couldn't really blame her, he was by no means ugly. His body was slim but muscular like a swimmer or runner but not exactly built, he had blue eyes that were more of a bright cerulian and many people had told him were his best feature. His black hair that was cut short but styled in a just fucked kind of way made his eyes stand out just that extra bit, all of that mixed with lips that made you want to kiss them and Castiel knew why people wanted him. "Oh unicorn, if only you were straight." Laughed Meg.

"Sorry but I'm not, I am also not a piece of meat." Castiel declared. 

"Lucky for you because I would eat you all up." Meg said flirting with a smirk.

"Speaking of not being straight, who's the new guy?" Castiel wondered, playing shyly with a loose button on his tan over coat he wore over his suit, normally he was slightly more casually dressed but he had an interview that day. 

"Ah the new meat huh? Has it really been that long since you came in?" Meg replied wiggling her eyebrows teasingly.

"Yeah you know how school keeps me busy." Castiel shook his head thinking of his assignment sitting on his study desk at home. 

"You work to hard, seriously." Meg said looking at herself in the mirror. 

"The new bartender, Meg?" Castiel said with growing impatience.

"Name's Dean, started here about two months ago. It's all I really know. You gonna hit that?" Castiel flushed a bright red at Meg's boldness and bent his head in shame as he could hear his mother's voice. 

"You know I'm not into that kind of thing." He laughed nervously. 

"Maybe you should Cassie." Gabriel came out of no where with a smirk dipped in taunt. "It's been three years since we left the fascist ruling of Naomi and Bart in that time you have had one boyfriend who dropped you as soon as a new piece out ass came along. You stood up and said no all for nothing. Let your hair down." Castiel remembered the night his life had turned up side down. 

"As much as I hate your pompous brother, he is right. Carpe diem, Clarence." Meg shrugged as she fastened her wig on her head with a pout.

"You do remember I am your boss, right?" Gabe said although there was no anger in his voice. Meg just gave one of her delectable smiles before flipping him off with a black painted long taloned finger.

"But Gabe, one night stands? I'm better than that." Castiel said looking down at his feet a red flush running up his neck and burning his cheeks.

"Hey, that kind of hurts my feelings. Cassie, you need to put yourself out there have fun. You spend all your time at school or studying. One night just stop letting your morals get in the way." Gabriel argued his point and Castiel was trying to think how he would even have the confidence to walk up to some guy and start having sex with them. 

"You talk to them first, Clarence. Build a conversation, buy him a drink." It was like Meg had read his mind, Castiel never really understood why she always called him that but he had come to know it as a term of endearment. 

"You need to go, your set is coming up and I need to get baby bro laid." Gabe laughed clapping Castiel on the back.

The three of them walked out together as Meg stood next to the stage waiting to start her set as Castiel looked toward the bar where Dean wasn't.

"He is out the back having a smoke, you got an hour." Gabriel winked, before Castiel could really think about it he was walking out the back door to the loading bay. 

Dean was sitting on a crate against the outside brick wall with his head hung, his elbows leaning on his knees with a beer between his booted feet. Castiel watched as Dean brought his smoke to his alluring lips every few moments, from the small amount of time watching Dean's broad shoulders and the muscles in his back ripple with every movement through his thin shirt had made up Castiel's mind for him. 

The guy was dripping sex and Castiel fingers itched to touch him. "Hey" Castiel murmured nervous but loud enough for Dean to hear, green eyes turned to face him and he watched as they almost immediately swam with full blown lust which made Castiel's lips twitch with want and that wasn't the only part of his anatomy to take notice. "Your Dean, right?"


	3. Pour Some Sugar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song inspiration ~ Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard

There they were, those piercing blue eyes in front of him again, well technically behind him but either way Dean wasn't complaining. 

"Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt your break." The guy with those intoxicating blue eyes said and Dean would be lying if that velvet voice didn't grasp him as much as the eyes did.

"No it's fine and yeah I'm Dean. You are?" Dean gave his most award winning smile. 

"I'm Castiel." The guy said walking up and holding out his hand.

"Weird name. No offense. Where does it come from?" Dean said with a frown taking it. Castiel gave a laugh and that sound alone made Dean smile.

"Ah.. my parents, it's not of import." Castiel waved his hand in front of their faces indicating that's not what he was here for.

"Fair enough. Mind if I just call you Cas? Castiel is a bit of a mouthful." Cas nodded that he was okay with it and his blue orbs flickered down to Dean's lips as if he was actually picturing Dean's mouth full, almost on cue a red flush came over Cas' cheeks. Dean tried to suppress a smile at how adorable this guy was.

"You can call me what you want, Dean" Cas murmured with a small smile that Dean just couldn't take his eyes off. Dean would never pick the guy in front of him to be the kind of guy who stood before him in a black suit wearing a blue tie and tan coat to be one who was into innuendos but apparently he would have been wrong. 

"Do you want a smoke or a seat?" Dean asked trying to get the thoughts of that blush out of his mind before he did something stupid. 

"No to the smoke." Cas said sitting on the ground by the crate Dean was sitting on. "Can I get you another beer?" Cas whispered pointing to the beer that was standing empty between Dean's feet. 

"Trying to get me drunk Cas?" Dean laughed hoping his answer was yes, the flush washed over Cas' face again and Dean couldn't help but to reach out and rub his thumb over his cheek following the flare. Cas leaned into the touch and Dean could see that Cas wanted him.

Dean got close to Cas and his lips burnt to touch against Cas'. 

"Is this okay?" Cas nodded and Dean closed the gap tenderly brushing their lips together. At first the kiss was slow and chaste but Dean was always the one for testing his limits, he put his hand up placing it on the back of Castiel's head twisting his fingers in the others hair and slightly pulling before his tongue licked across the others lips. 

Cas groaned as he adjusted his position to allow access to Dean's soft probing, opening his mouth letting Dean's tongue massage against his own.

"Fuck Cas." Dean groaned low and husky. Dean's head spun as Cas maneuvered himself between Dean's legs making their kiss deeper.

"Get up here." Dean encouraged and Cas followed his lead getting up and sitting on the other's lap. Cas moaned into Dean's lips as he felt Dean's length nudge against his own between them. Dean's head fell back against the wall as Cas kissed and nuzzled against Dean's throat, Cas' stubble tickling and scratching in the most enticing way. Dean moved his hands down the others body feeling every mouth watering curve before sliding them down to the front of Castiel's trousers unbuckling his belt.

"I'm sorry Dean, I'm not usually like this. I want you." Castiel said breathless as he rutted his hips up, his appendage poking at Dean's hand at the front of his unfastened pants. Dean swallowed hard as he slid his hand inside Castiel's boxers.

Dean felt Cas' slick and Cas bucked up with a luscious moan at the feel of Dean's touch, Dean smiled to himself thinking how sexy the guy on his lap was. Cas stopped Dean's calloused but glorious hands before sliding of his lap and knelt in front of Dean and repeated his actions pulling Dean free of his denim cage, looking up through his long lashes Cas slowly parted his lips and inch by inch swallowed Dean into his eager throat.

Groaning quietly Dean put his hands to the back of Cas' head and held while Castiel pushed Dean's substantial size further down his throat vibrating it a little with his own moans. Castiel cradled the other man's sack before his grip tightened around Dean's shaft holding off his climax whilst his stroking matched the rhythm his mouth was making.

"I want you to fuck me, Dean" Cas sighed after pulling his lips from Dean's spit slicked cock. On cue Dean helped Castiel as they both got to their feet before gripping his arse and lifting him, Cas immediately wrapped his legs around Dean's waist as the taller man turned and held Cas' back to the wall.

Cas grabbed Dean's wrist and slid two of his fingers into his mouth imitating the movement of his tongue he performed on Dean's cock, with is now wet fingers Dean's reached around Cas and slowly pushed inside Castiel's tight bud. Dean kissed and sucked at Cas' throat while he slowly sawed his fingers in and out of Castiel and scissoring his fingers opening him up ready for Dean's size.

"Fuck..." Cas drooled dropping his head on Dean's shoulder before gripping both his and Dean's hard cocks in one head and began a paced stroke teasing them both. "I'm ready, please." Dean chuckled, he had never been asked to screw someone so politely before. Dean lifted Cas and slowly lowered Cas down spearing him on his thick shaft. 

"Mmm..." Cas moaned feeling pleasantly full and Dean could barely hold in his growl of pleasure as Cas's tight hole hugged his dick. Dean started pumping a perfect rhythm in and out of Cas angling both of them to rub against Cas' prostate. Dean roughly planted his lips against Cas' nipping at his bottom lip making both of them pant as Dean rutted inside Castiel's warmth and wrapping his hand round Cas' velvet flesh setting a pace matching his pumping. 

Cas gave a wicked throaty groan as two streams of cum landed on his hand and Dean's shirt, Dean gave his own breathless moan before he filled Cas with his seed. The men clung to each other as they tried to get control of their breathing before Dean lowered Cas and they got dressed. Dean walked over to the crate and pick up his cigarettes as Castiel fixed his suit and looked at Dean with a flush.

"Ah thank you." Cas murmured looking at his feet. 

Dean gave a curt laugh rubbing the back of his neck, this guy was too polite. The two men looked at each other for a moment, green locked with blue. 

"You don't have too thank me Cas, the pleasure was mine." Dean smiled sincerely, lighting a smoke.

"I actually don't know what to say. I should be getting back to Gabe." Castiel whispered.

"Yeah, I gotta get back to work." Dean said his smile not leaving his face.

"It was nice to meet you, Dean." Cas announced and Dean could see the blush as it travelled across the others cheeks and down that beautiful throat.

"Pleasure's all mine, Cas." Dean repeated, this was by far the most awkward post sex conversation ever.

Cas' eyes shined as he gave a half smile before turning away and walking back into the club.

Dean stared at the closed door where the blue eyed man had walked through, he wasn't one for relationships but Dean definitely needed to see Cas again.


	4. Comfortably Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration ~ Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a while study and stuff. I hope you like it Kudos and comments everyone. 
> 
> This chapter has drug references so take that into consideration it that is a hard limit for you.
> 
> Enjoy xxx

Sam groaned running his hands through his too long chocolate brown hair gripping it tight in his fists. If the first few months of KU were hard it was probably going to get a whole lot worse, thanksgiving was a welcome distraction or at least it would be if he didn't have three assignments due on the first day back. It would also help if he could sleep. 

"Sam? Where are you?" A deceivingly lady like voice called out from the front room.

"I'm in my bedroom. Who is that? Sam called back keeping his eyes glued to his laptop open in front of him but not actually taking in anything. 

"Who the hell else would it be? You got another girl in your life I don't know about that has a key to your front door?" A pretty girl announced from the doorway with a flick of her slightly curled blonde hair. Jo Singer was kind of like the Winchesters sister, in away after the Singer's took them in she became just that. Unlike her surely, perpetually grease covered father, Jo looked like a delicate flower however she was far from the lady she looked like, she swore like a sailor and punched as hard as any guy.

"You know I don't." Sam smiled getting up to hug her before resuming his staring contest with the computer. Jo giggled and whistled to get Sam's attention again only to do a little dance when he turned in his swivel chair. In one hand she held a six pack of Buds in the other she held two rolled smokes which Sam guessed were not just tobacco.

"Jo, what the hell? Dean would kill me, us! Where did you even get it?" Sam freaked getting up and grabbing the beers. Dean had lectured Sam about drinking, after their father he always wanted better for Sam.

"Purlease, Dean drinks half a bottle of Jack from the bottle a night, and hello, my mum owns a bar I just took it." Jo grabbed a bottle from the cardboard box and used a lighter to pop the top. Sam watched as she took a long swig before Sam took one for himself, Jo was right Dean drank a lot especially lately, he didn't like it but it was a coping mechanism and he was nothing like their dad when he drank so Sam said nothing mostly. 

"Where is Dean?" Jo asked laying on Dean's bed.

"It's that time of year." Sam said softly. November was not a good month for the Winchesters but most of all for the older one. Every year at the start of November Dean would hit the tarmac to parts unknown. Jo had a crush on Dean when they were younger everybody knew about it but after John died and they moved in with the Singers, Jo started seeing Dean as a brother. Dean had thought of himself as that much longer then that.

"Will he be back from his bender before thanksgiving at the roadhouse?" Every year the two families had a huge feast together at a bar that Jo's mum Ellen owned. 

"He wouldn't miss it. Despite what this month signifies he is too scared of your mother to miss it." Sam laughed still considering whether or not to drink. 

"Why does this time of year effect you two differently?" Jo asked quietly fiddling with the label on her beer bottle. Sam looked at Jo but wasn't really seeing, he thought of cackling hot flames and screams. Sam looked toward the joints that were now sitting on his bedside table untouched but looking very appealing to forget.

"What about the Joints?" Sam said pointing to the smokes quickly changing the subject.

"Got it from a chick at school, it's thanksgiving break I am not going to miss it thanks to this shit." Jo reported before reaching out to get a smoke before pushing Sam's books of his bed to lay more comfortably. The smoke burnt putrid and Jo took a long draw before coughing out a cloud of dirty vapour. 

"If you insist on smoking that shit can you do it on the balcony outside. I'm trying to work." Sam pouted putting his beer on his desk and turning back to his thesis, as much as we wants to forget his future it was easier to deal with than his memories. 

"Sam I know you want to succeed and be a big shot lawyer and I'm proud of you really I am but you're not going to reach that goal if your burn yourself out in the first few months of freshman year at college." Jo walked over to Sam's window opening it to blow smoke out into the cold air. 

The words echoed in his head and Sam knew she was right, part of him also just wanted to forget. He closed the laptop and walked over to his bed with his beer lighting the leftover joint. His bed was a king sized single and comfortable enough, he remembered a time when he and Dean shared rooms and beds, it wasn't easy especially for someone of his stature but they survived. 

Dean always made sure that Sam was happy and healthy so he could go to school and get good grades, anything to make sure Sam was better the Dean and John. Sam could feel the effects of the pot within the first few puffs. 

"I'm uneducated in this stuff," Sam sighed holding the smoke in the air. "but this is some good shit." Jo giggled from the window as she sucked down the last of her beer. The both of them ended up collapsed on Sam's bed giggling over nothing but watching their own fingers. 

"Where did you say you got that?" Sam said drawing pictures in the air with his finger. 

"Girl at school her name is Ruby Blade, she is in one of my classes she works in the library for extra credit but mostly I think she goes there to get out of most of her classes." Jo whispered, she was starting to fall asleep and Sam pulled his blanket over her before shutting the window, grabbing his laptop and leaving Jo to sleep.

The main couch in the living room was a large three seater and was already set up partially to sleep on considering Dean very rarely made it to bed after his nights at work. He slumped in the cushions, which all of a sudden felt softer than usual, with his laptop balanced on his long legs. 

It had been a difficult few weeks, around this time Dean goes a little mental for the whole of November, they both do but the older Winchester more so. Sam felt the wet tears fall down his cheeks before he even realized he was crying, he thumbed at a photo he kept hidden blue tacked to the underside of his laptop. The photo was old and from over handling was faded and slightly crumbled but he knew the picture well he didn't need to look at the faces staring back at him. Beautiful green eyes much like the ones that he saw everyday but softer, more delicate and far less full of worry. 

Sam couldn't stop the stream of tears that fell and alone in the partial darkness he didn't want to, the effects of the drug he and Jo smoked had him adequately anesthetized and he knew that if he fell asleep now for once he wouldn't wake out of fear. It was if the beautiful eyes in the picture were watching over him now as he let his head fall to the pillow and his heavy eyelids close. 

"Angels watch over you" he could hear in a sweet whisper before a deep sleep claimed him.


	5. Home Sweet Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song inspiration ~ Home Sweet Home by Motley Crue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this chapter. 
> 
> Please leave your kudos and comments. Let me know where I'm going right or where I could do better. 
> 
> Thanks for your support.  
> Enjoy xxx

"Joanna-Beth Singer you will not win this argument, quit while you're behind. Your father and I have made up our minds you have a car, you are not living on campus. You're already stealing alcohol, do you really think I'm letting you out from under this roof to continue this behavior. Don't look at me like that I did not come down in the last shower." Average day at Harvelle's roadhouse. Dean couldn't hide his smirk as Sam and he entered, the screen rattling as it swung closed making both girls turn on them with identical frustrated looks. 

"Are we interrupting something?" Dean huffed in amusement despite Sam's warning stay-out-of-it bitchface.

"Yes!"  
"No!" The girls yelled in unison. Dean rolled his eyes but his face showed pure humour and even Sam's monster shoulders were shaking as he laughed. 

Harvelle's Roadhouse had seen this exact argument many a time, the Singer girls clashing in a show of genetic stubbornness. Ellen had inherited the small pub from her father after he died and that was how Bobby and she had met, Singer Auto Yard was only a block from the road house and he called in there everyday after work. Ellen had always made sure the boys, along with John, always joined her family for holidays like thanksgiving. It was the only time Dean could remember ever feeling like he and Sam were part of a family. 

"They live on campus, lets see what they think? Jo continued to argue pointing to where Dean and Sam were still standing just inside the door.

"I don't care what they think." Ellen retorted though she looked apologetically at them.

"We live NEAR campus in an apartment, not actually on the grounds." Dean argued as if that made a lot of difference. Three sets of eyes turned to confront him and with a gruff sigh he held his hands up in defeat. "I'm going for a smoke." Turning around and walking back out the door and around to where he always puffed his cancer.

Dean rolled his eyes before he let them fall closed and his head fell back against the wall one knee up his foot flat behind him like his back was. The roadhouse was Dean's first real job, he had worked odd jobs like maintenance for the million different hotels John had dragged them too, but Ellen had taught him work ethic and skills. Those skills were what enabled him to work at Casa Erotica. 

A mix of his back against the wall and thoughts of Casa made Dean's mind wonder back to intoxicating blue eyes and the earth shattering climax the person who owned them gave him. A one night stand that made it really hard for Dean to concentrate on anything else, even the worst week of the year was slightly easier to deal with when he woke screaming and sweating but managed to get back to sleep with the picture of ocean eyes. 

"Fucking bitch!" Jo interrupted kicking the large metal bin Dean was standing beside raising him from his daydream.

"She is just looking out for you JoJo." Dean said taking a draw from his smoke. Jo's look was livid and he had to stop himself from laughing lest he choke on on the vapor. 

"Don't call me that." She said grabbing his smoke and taking a long drag. Being like a big brother to Jo he didn't like that she smoked occasionally but unlike with Sam she has parents to look after her she didn't need another one. Jo kept bitching long after she stomped out Dean's butt but Dean stop listening.

"Oi idgits. Get your asses inside lunch will be ready soon. And Jo stop pissing your mother off." Bobby stood gruff in front of them complete with a grease stained trucker cap. Sam and Dean had always called him Uncle Bobby but he was closer to a father than John ever had been. Dean shrugged his leather jacket further around his body and walked back inside.

A large table was set up in the middle of the room six chairs around it and food enough to feed an army. Dean took his seat next to Sam and Jo sat across from him, Bobby at the head and across from Ellen's seat. 

"Hey Ellen who else is joining us?" Sam called toward the kitchen. 

"Dr. Badass is in." Called a voice very familiar to them as he swaggered into the bar pulling his hand through his hair and spreading his arms out wide.

"Hey Hey Ash." Dean called getting up to greet his friend. Sam got up and slapped Ash on the shoulder. 

"What are you doing back here?" Dean asked as he sat back in his seat and Ash sat next to Jo. 

Ash was another stray that Ellen took in, being a mother was what she was good at, and he grew up with Jo like a brother before going off to school a couple of years ago. Despite his appearance -flannel shirt with ripped off sleeves over a black wife beater, baggy black jeans, heavy steel toed combat boots and last but not least a mullet- he could do things with a computer Dean had never seen before. Last Ellen told him he was top of his class second year at MIT.

"Ellen didn't tell you the good news? I'm back for good." Ash replied pulling a drink from a beer that Bobby sat in front of him. 

"What why?" Sam laughed. 

"For fighting." The computer whizz said as he stretched back on his chair. Everyone at the table except Bobby burst out in hysterics. The smell of roast turkey caught Dean's attention before he even realised Ellen had walked into the front of the bar. 

"Smells great, Ellen." Bobby commented as she sat the roast down in front of him handing him the carving knife. Ellen bowed her head to give the man a kiss.

"Ew take it to the bedroom." Jo rumbled with a roll of her eyes but their was a faint smile on her face. 

"All right you rowdy bunch settle down. Lets give thanks." Ellen said joining her hands with Jo on one side and Dean on the other, they all followed her lead joining hands and giving their own reasons to be thankful this year. Dean was thankful for the family he and Sammy had made for themselves and the fact the Sam got into a good school and would make something of himself. 

Dean looked at the spread before him filling his plate to the brim with everything there was to offer. 

"Please tell me there is pie for dessert." Dean hoped and the whole table laughed.

"Lets see you finish whats on your plate first, boy." Bobby huffed in his deep voice just a hint of amusement behind his words, Dean filled his mouth in one fork full until his cheeks bulged like a chipmunk and gave a cheesy grin. The room was filled with laughter again as Jo threw a pea at him muttering something about being disgusting. 

Everyone went about eating their meals filling each other in with small talk and jokes. Dean watched his adopted family as he ate and for the millionth time he thought just how lucky he was. A part of him was sad and he couldn't help his thoughts that drifted to the family he had lost, everyone except Sam, but he shook the thoughts loose and forced himself back to the here and now. 

He looked sideways at his overly tall brother and gave thanks again that at least through all of this he had Sam and that he was happy, healthy and on his way to a better life.


	6. Drones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration ~ Drones by Rise Against

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys here is the next chapter. 
> 
> Warning: There is self loathing and talk of alcoholism. 
> 
> The song as inspiration for chapter will be clear at end of chapter.

Another day another dollar, Dean thought as he lent against the side of his baby outside a Gas ' N ' Sip. The hot coffee nursed in his hand was chasing some of the morning chill away but the wind still nipped cold. He had to start work at Bobby's in about twenty minutes and despite the fact it meant less time with Sammy he was looking forward to getting back to work. He hated when he had nothing to do with his hands and just like that, almost as if it was fate - as if he believed in that crap - his mind reached an inappropriate thought of keeping his hands busy on the washboard abs of a dark haired beauty. Within seconds of that thought Dean looked up through the Gas station window where he encountered a very familiar, and he'd be lying if he didn't admit, damn good looking site. 

He had stopped at the station for nothing more than to answer his phone when Sam called him but now he had to go inside. Those eyes and that voice they were calling to him, they had been since that night outside Casa. 

"I'll have some beef jerky and a packet of menthols" Dean said with his most award winning cheesy smile.

"Dean. Wh... What are you doing here?" Cas was clearly surprised and it took every ounce of strength Dean could muster not to reach across the counter and follow the younger man's blush with the pad of his thumb. 

"Ah... well coincidence actually. I just stopped to answer a phone call saw you and thought I'd come say hi." Dean's hands were starting to shake and he hoped it wasn't noticeable, but something about the guy in front of him made his whole body a mass of twitching nerves. 

"Oh well it's nice to see you. Here you go." Cas said quietly not making eye contact as he put a packet of smokes on the counter between them. Dean frowned Cas was more shy now then he had been that night, he suspected that might be thanks to liquid courage but he doesn't remember tasting even the slightest amount of alcohol on Cas' tongue. And oh he most definitely would remember every taste of that tongue probably till the day he dies. 

Dean reached out to pay for his goods, as his fingers skimmed across the palm of Castiel's hand he felt warmth. Cas however jerked his hand away as the note fell to the counter top, Dean looked into Cas' eyes and he could have swore he saw fear, it was enough to keep him so confused the rest of the rushed transaction sort of went by in a blur until he was sitting back in the warm of the impala racking his brain for an explanation of what the hell just happened. 

Cas had been so shy and reserved, it was completely different to the guy he had been at Casa. The way he had taken control and blown Dean's mind, it must have been one sided. Dean decided. Of course that made sense Cas had not liked whatever Dean had done, Dean had to admit that would definitely be a first and Cas had seriously taken his breathe away but Dean must have repulsed Cas. That could be the only explanation right. 

Dean groaned at his own stupidity as he smacked his forehead against the steering wheel. He was such a dick, Dean thought to himself why would someone as gorgeous as Cas want to sleep with someone like him at all let alone more than once. And seriously when had that started to matter to him, Dean was never ever going to be in a relationship again -not after...- he had sworn to himself . So why was he now bowed in the driver's seat of his baby with tears threatening to fall while his mind played several different scenes of him waking up screaming and sweating only to be coaxed back to sleep by blue? God he needed a drink, bad!

****  
It wasn't until 2.30 the next morning that Dean finally got the drink he had been craving all day. Working at Casa wasn't hard, in fact with the friends he had made and the tips he collected and the fact the boss -who Dean still isn't too sure about but likes for this simple reason- is okay with drinking on the job it actually a pretty kick ass place to work. The girls were a plus as well he isn't going to lie. Tonight hadn't been one of those great nights though, every 6 months was inspection time which meant workers had to be 100% cleaner, in their appearance as well as their work, 100% more vigilant with ID and also 100% sober which meant Dean had gone all day without a drop of alcohol. To say he was going out of his mind by the time he walked through the door after work would be a colossal understatement. 

He wasn't in denial, Dean was well aware that he was an alcoholic but he also knew that no matter how bad his drinking was he would never let it get as bad as John had. Dean would rather cut out his liver then let his addiction affect his or Sammy's life as bad as his father's had, in saying that though apart from Sam it was the only thing he had left. Like a security blanket you have to tackle out of a young childs arms, it was his security. 

"How was work?" Sam said walking out onto a deck balcony out from the kitchen that overlooked the street 5 stories below. Like the rest of the house it was small but big enough for them both -even gigantor- to lounge stretched out in deck chairs. Dean looked up from his sketching pad that lay on his legs and at his brother and immediately decided he needed a second beer. Sam's face was gaunt with exhaustion, his hazel eyes were glassy and puffy red as though he had been rubbing them profusely praying they keep open. His hair looked like it was in good need of a wash and his face was about a weeks overdue for a shave. 

"Jesus Sam. When was the last time you got a decent amount of sleep?" Dean huffed getting up to get another beer before sitting back down and lighting a smoke. 

"I'm fine. School is just... I don't know maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was." He said blowing air from his nose in a mock kind of laugh that had absolutely no humour behind it. Dean hated this, more than anything, before Sam had gotten into KU and Dean needed to get a second job he had been there to make sure Sam was balanced enough to do his work.  
He had helped him study, or more accurately been a sound board and told him when he needed to rest, when he was pushing himself too hard and when he needed to step up his game. Sam was doing it on his own now with Dean unable to be there and he was clearly lacking in the rest department and pushing himself way too hard. It almost didn't seem worth it now but this was Sam's dream. 

"Bullshit. Just stop pushing yourself so hard. Sleep before you burn out." Dean leant over to ruffle his little brother's hair which probably looked ridiculous given the fact Sam, even sitting down, was still at least 2 heads taller than Dean. With an annoyed huff Sam pushed his brother's hands away but a small smile was present. This was his fault, he should have taught Sam to do this on his own not babied him so much. Sam was too much of a dedicated worker to know when enough is enough.

"Jerk." Sam muttered. Dean suspected Sam was trying to transition the conversation just by that but he couldn't help the swell of affection he felt hearing it. He smiled with the bottle to his lips before he called Sam a "Bitch". They had been calling each other those names for as long as they both could remember it was just something they had always done but neither could actually explain how it had come about.

The early morning was almost eerily quiet and the boys just sat side by side thinking there separate thoughts before Dean could tell Sam could barely keep his eyes open. 

"Go to bed." He said kicking his brother's legs. 

"Yes dad." Sam retorted though he couldn't manage the amount of sarcasm needed to deliver it appropriately. Dean wanted to laugh but some how he couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to happen to Sam because Dean hadn't prepared him properly. 

"Don't give me that shit. You're eyes are practically falling out your head." Sam gave a small but stiff smile and rose carefully.

"Hey Dean?"

"Hmm..."

"Two's enough." Dean looked at Sam with a frown of confusion but he knew within another second what he was talking about. 

"Sam..."

"I can see something happened today you're not telling me and I'll get over that, but I don't like you drinking all the time. It reminds me too much of..." He didn't finish the sentence and Dean didn't need him too, he knew exactly what he was talking about. Dean gave a sad nod as Sam walked away. How is it possible he had failed to see he had disappointed two people with his actions in one day? 

The feeling from this morning returned as he felt tears burn in his eyes. It didn't matter how much he swore he wouldn't be like John when he drank his drinking was still hurting Sam with the memories. How could he have missed that? All the times that Dean had to save Sam but Sam always saw more than Dean wanted. Sam must see that when he looks at Dean. Cas must see it too, that's why he is repulsed. Cas can see the filth that Dean is, has let himself become. 

Dean ran to the bathroom and threw up what little he had in his stomach and his skin was coated in a cold sweat. How could he have let Sam down so much? How could he even think Cas would want to know him? His hands began to shake and his legs barely carried him to his room before he stripped to his boxes and curled into bed. It was too late for Sammy he was Dean's brother but he would make the decision Dean would save Cas from ever having the shame of knowing him.

He could try and say that he would quit drinking for Sam and then he wouldn't need to be disappointed in Dean anymore, but he knew he was lying to himself. It would always be a vicious circle, Dean will turn to the drink when he had a bad day Sam will suffer in silent disapproval Dean will sense it and drink more to drown out the screaming voice in his head calling him a failure. Dean let the tears fall as his eyes fell closed.


	7. Evil Walks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Inspired Song ~ Evil Walks by Ac/Dc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is another chapter for you guys. The next few will hopefully be out pretty fast the characters are starting to take on their lives now. We will see how we go.
> 
> Warnings: In this chapyer there is a small amount of abuse against women outside of a domestic relationship. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy xx

Grey eyes looked out at a bustling street below through parted blinds. It was that time of the year again, Christmas. Alistair remembers with a growl of a time when the whole thing didn't churn his stomach, if fact he could could it with one finger. The Christmas he had Dean Wesson and what a wondrous present he had been. The thought of the tanned, freckled skin, the bowed leg and the lips made to suck was enough for Alistair to give a sick moan in the back of his throat. 

It had been four years since he let his treasure go, not that he had a choice. One morning Dean was in his bed and that night when Alistair had returned his pet was gone. He remembers the rage he felt when he happened upon the empty cupboards, it was much like the anger he felt when he saw the file for Dean Wesson and looked into the face of a dead 35 year old black man. It had all been a lie and even after all this time he has not quit he will find Dean, no matter what it took. 

"Sir?" A knock and opening the pine office door stirred Alistair from his thoughts as he turned to face his intruder. A skinny blonde that probably stood about 5"5 if she was ever out of her ridiculously high heels stepped into his office before closing the door. 

"Lilith, what do you want?" Said Alistair with a voice that had the equivalent effect of nails on a chalk board. The girl battered her long lashes in his direction as he took a seat behind his desk, but he ignored her. 

"The forms for you latest client, sir." Lilith sang taking one step forward to place a manilla folder on his desk before she stepped back and regained her position from before. Alistair liked order and above all else control in all aspects of his life, he never denies that and just as his orders demand Lilith stood to attention her feet together her chin to her chest and her hand grasp together in front of her. She was only to look up when she spoke, speak when spoken to and move only when given permission. Alistair himself had to admit, she was good at her job. 

Alistair's gaze turned to his work in front of him. ID, Credit and criminal history checks, Bank details and statements everything he insisted upon from a client before he took on a case now, he had learnt from his mistakes of the past even if they had had a beneficial outcome in his favour. As one of the most renowned and prestigious Private Detective's in California he had to make sure the integrity of his business was never again in any harm. It was one thing he had learnt from his dealings with The Wesson's or whatever they really call themselves. 

"Everything seem's in order. Make sure you get the first payment and I see the invoice before first round surveillance is issued." Alistair ordered as his signed in the bottom of the required pages. Lilith gave a little bow and a quiet "Of course" but didn't look up. Alistair unfolded himself from his chair, as a 38 year old extremely skinny 6"2 pale stick of a man, it was sometimes was only achievable with the ghostly sound of creaks and groans a fact he was less than pleased about. He walked until he stood in front of his personal assistant and lifted her chin with two bony fingers.

"And what of our other little assignment?" He said hopefully but was discouraged when fear flashed in the girls eyes. 

"We... Ah I'm sorry, sir but there is still no new information on the true identity of Dean and Sam Wesson." Lilith voice wavered with trepidation and she knew that concern was well placed. Alistair had no problem with doling out punishment to anyone he believed deserved it weather it was their fault or not and his punishment was always painful.

Without warning, not so much as and uttered growl or a narrowed eye, Alistair's bony fingers wrapped tightly around the girls throat and constricted like merciless pythons. He pulled the girl's face closer to his own so she close enough to see his stained, crooked teeth and feel his foul breath on her face. 

"That is not good enough. We have the resources of an entire agency and the California police. What is the problem?" He whispered menacingly. 

"I am not sure. We have the fingerprints and the beat estimate of what he would look like now but that is no good as he doesn't seem to be in the system." Lilith painfully explained through her coughing. The pressure didn't subside, in fact it increased. 

"That is impossible. He drives. He has a license I have seen it." Alistair spat. He was losing his patience, for four years he had searched and found nothing. "Wait! That's the answer. Oh how could I have let that slip my mind." He called dropping his hand from Lilith's throat which caused her to fall into the seat behind her, she drew her arms around herself in protection half expecting for him to blame her for his forgetting an important detail.

Alistair turned back to face the woman and lazing leaned against the front of his desk. "When you done lounging..." he mocked, his tone returning to the business like one he had when Lilith had first entered the room. Lilith got to get feet quickly knowing better to rub at her sore neck or let the tears that burnt in her eyes escape she returned to her previous position. "Search for a black 1967 Chevy Impala." He smile a wide twisted smile. Lilith's head shot up with a start. 

"That could be hundreds of thousands of cars." She exclaimed without thinking, regretting it almost instantly. Alistair flung out his hand and backhanded her hard across the cheek giving her an immediate sore red mark. "Well then you better start looking!" He yelled anger surging through him Lilith all but ran from the room only stopping to pick up the discarded file with her hand pressed to her now throbbing cheek. Alistair huffed a humourless laugh as he resumed his position in front of the window looking down at the street below. His wicked smile returned as he muttered "I will find you, Dean. You will be mine again. At any cost."


	8. Cherry Pie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Inspired Song ~ Cherry Pie by Warrant 
> 
> Enjoy guys xx

Sam sighed an air of relief as he stepped through the double doors leading out into the street. It was mid day and he had finally finished his winter exams and as of right now he was on break for the next 4 weeks. A whole month with no classes, no study and more time for him.

"Hey Sam?" Called Jo as she ran up to him with someone beside her. "This is Kevin he's in my intro to sociology class." The boys held out their hands and shook friendly mumbling hello's. "We were just about to hit up Starbucks if you want to come?" Jo offered. 

"Yeah Sure." Sam shrugged "I'll catch up I just gotta call Dean." Jo and Kevin started off towards town which wasn't far from campus, four blocks at the most while Sam pulled his phone from the pocket of his jeans. Dean answered after the fourth ring even though Sam knew he would be working and Bobby hates Dean using his cell at work. 

"SamSquatch?! How is everything?" Dean asked cheerfully. Sam was glad to hear his big brother was happy again, he knew he had a mini breakdown after Sam mentioned his drinking and really Sam hadn't meant it as a big deal but he should have known Dean would take it as though he had betrayed Sam, it was just who he was. 

"After Three exams, a presentation and turning in a 4000 word essay? I have been awake since four I am so ready to go home and sleep, but I'm meeting up with Jo and a friend for coffee." Sam replied honestly. 

"I'm proud of you, Dude. Seriously. I got the night off tonight I thought we'd go out and get some dinner to celebrate your first semester down?" Dean asked. His voice was slightly muffled at which Sam assumed was because his head was buried in an engine bay while his phone sat on loudspeaker balancing somewhere.

"Yeah sure. I'll go home and try to grab a nap this afternoon. See you tonight?"

"I'll be home a home about 7." Dean confirmed before they said their goodbyes and Sam walked towards the coffee shop. The minute Sam walked through the doors and the warm air curled around him carrying the amazing smell of coffee beans all he wanted to do was live here, forever and he really wasn't kidding if money wasn't an issue he would never leave.

"Over here." Jo was waving her arm frantically from the corner of the room holding a gigantic cup that steam was pouring from the top of. Sam headed over to the table that had only grown in popularity then what Sam had expected. Apparently while Sam had been concentrating on not failing his school work, Jo had been securing her social life. "Okay everyone this is my almost twin, Sam. Sam this is everyone, from left to right there's: Kevin, who you've meet. That's Lisa, she is a part time in my journalism class. Adam is Lisa's brother and last but not least Ruby. 

Sam hadn't really been paying attention to the other introductions only enough to match name with face but when his eyes fell on the last person's face he couldn't help the hitch that caught in his throat. The girl was unbelievably sexy and he couldn't hide his assessment of her. She was tall and from the looks of her fit, she wore a tight black tee that hugged her figure showing an enticing chest and black skinny jeans that accented her ass and her legs. Ruby was tall as she stood to shake his hand even with only average high heels on she only stood a head shorter then him.

"It's nice to meet you, Sam." Her voice was sweet and he loved the way she said his name. Her face was heart shaped and framed with her dark brown hair that was long over her shoulders and down her back. Her eyes were the colour of melted dark chocolate and he felt as if he could get lost in them forever. It was only the sound of a smashing dish somewhere towards the counter that brought him from his daze and realised that he was still holding Ruby's hand and everyone at the table was watching this with mocking smirks, especially Jo.

"Oh my god. I'm sorry." Sam freaked letting the girls hand go and dropping into his chair grabbing his coffee from Jo and staring into his lap, silently chastising himself for being so unsmooth. He was so glad Dean hadn't been there to witness that because he would've just died of shame, that option was still very much on the cards no matter what though. 

"It's alright." The sweet voice said cutting over the resumed conversation that had erupted at the table. Sam looked up at Ruby as she was giving him a pitying smile. Apparently during his self deprecating monologue the group had swapped positions so she was sitting next to him. "We've all been there." 

"Actually that's a first for me." Sam grumbled still mad at himself. 

"For what it's worth I didn't mind you holding my hand, I mean who would." Ruby smiled at him and he noticed that there was no longer pity, it had been replaced with genuineness. Sam thought he could stare at that smile all day. 

"Well it's a nice hand to hold." God Sam what the hell was that? He thought to himself. He was so off his game. Ruby giggled and Sam couldn't help but think how delicately cute it sounded. 

"Your sweet. Jo has told me a lot about you." She said leaning closer to him as if to personalise the conversation more. "I must admit I am hugely fascinated." Sam looked at the woman with a raised eyebrow.

"What's so fascinating about me?" Sam wondered taking a glance toward Jo who was preoccupied with her own conversation with Adam which seemed pretty cozy. 

"Well I know you live with your brother, you want to be some kind of big shot lawyer and you like my product." Ruby said with a knowing wink placing a hand on Sam's jean clad thigh. 

Sam almost looked guilty at the last part. He wasn't into doing things that were illegal, he wanted to be a lawyer you couldn't do that with a record and smoking drugs once probably wasn't the worst offense but he didn't care. Dean and him had been working for this dream their whole lives, he wouldn't throw that away just for some lousy high. 

"I did. Just once but I'm not really into that kind of thing." He paused looking over Ruby's pouted lips, "not that I have a problem with people who are. Each to there own." The smile returned to her red painted lips and Sam so badly wanted to taste them he felt himself moving forward to kiss her. The sound of a ringing phone interrupted them. 

"One second." She said holding up her finger and she pulled her phone from inside her bra, she brought the phone to ear with a little flick of her hair and winked at Sam. "Yeah? Okay. Yep. How much? Give me 5?" The conversation was short and she hung up never taking her eyes of him. "Can I use that napkin?" She said pointing to the white paper under Sam's cup. He nodded handing it to her and watched as she wrote on it before bringing it to her lips, folding it and putting it back under Sam's cup. "See you round." She winked getting up and running her fingers up his arm as she walked away.

Sam watched her leave, watching the sway of her arse when she walked and almost drooled with how hot she was. When the front door closed behind her Sam turned his attention on the napkin.

Here's my number. Use it to ask me out.


	9. Wish You a Merry Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So its longer then my normal chapters but I'm hoping from now on I can get them like this one.
> 
> Its kind of a little bit everywhere, I know what I wanted to do with it but it just didn't work for me but oh well. 
> 
> Warning: Mention of Suicide Attempt. NO DETAILS. Warning is in place just in case.
> 
> Comments?? 
> 
> Enjoy xx
> 
> Chapter inspiration song~ We Wish You a Merry Christmas (not like the usual theme but hey.)

In all honesty Castiel hated this time of year. He got bored easily with his school work over for the next month and he knew Gabriel would be working over time at the club. The cold didn't help Castiel to be happy about it but the one thing he hated most was the hustle and bustle of the crowd as they ran from one shop to the other buying last minute gifts, food and booze. Honestly he would never understand it they had all year, why wait till the very last day and then panic knowing the rest of the world was doing exactly the same thing. It gave him a headache being amongst all the noise.

With that thought alone and the town clock chiming 6 he decided he wanted to get out of town and curl up on the couch for the rest of the night to continue his books in peace. A rushed and heavy shoulder knocked Castiel down from behind making him drop his coffee and an arm full of books he had been reading from all afternoon at a small cafe around the corner from the loft he shared with Gabriel. 

"Damn it." He swore under his breathe as he tried to salvage the papers that were now going to be coffee stained. This whole street was not helping him to change his mind on how he felt towards Christmas. As Castiel finally gathered his books and tried to stand his laptop bag began to slip from his shoulder only to be caught by strange hands.

"Oops. Here let me help." Castiel's followed the leather clad hands up well worn brown leather jacket arms to find the cute freckled faced green eyed guy he hadn't been able to stop thinking about for months. Dean stood in front of his a smile playing on his pink lips as he held out Castiel's bag. "I can carry it for you if you want." He smiled and the action alone was enough for Castiel's cold body all of a sudden spread with warmth. 

'Talk you idiot. You're just staring at his mouth.' Cas scolded himself opening his mouth to speak only to close it again when no words came out. 

"Cas, are you okay?" Dean asked looking concerned. Those impossibly green eyes searching Cas' while the only coherent thought Cas could maintain was the memories of his those eyes looking down at him while his mouth was...

"I have to go." Castiel rushed snatching his bag from the now flabbergasted Dean.

"Wait Cas. Hold on." Dean ran after him. "Cas! Stop!" Dean caught hold of the bag strap and pulled just in time to haul him backwards out of the way of on coming traffic that missed him by a fraction. Of course the momentum of the tug caused Castiel to crash against Dean knocking them both to the icy pavement. Castiel lifted his head only to realize his lips were a millimeter from Deans, close enough to feel his breathe on his cheek and definitely close enough for Castiel's body to remind him why he had hated puberty. 

"Hey there Cas." Dean said with a hint of amusement in his sultry voice. Castiel couldn't breathe, what was it about this man's green eyes, freckled cheekbones and pink lips that rendered Castiel so completely speechless. Applause sounded around the two of them as a crowd who had witnessed Dean's heroic feat helped the two man to there feet. Castiel felt the burn of his cheeks as he kept his head down hoping to get out of there as quickly as he can. 

"Thank you, Dean. I really have to go now." He hugged his books close to his chest with his shoulders hunched and his eyes to his feet.

"Please Castiel. Don't go?" Dean pleaded grabbing hold of Castiel's elbow. "Please stop running away from me. You're soaked through, let me buy you a coffee to warm you up." Dean bent his knees slightly trying to maneuver himself into a position to catch Castiel's eyes. Castiel wanted to argue, to say that sitting in a cafe even if heated in wet clothes was not going to warm him even with the aid of a hot beverage. However an entirely different part of Castiel's brain took over, the one that sounded like Gabriel and his best friend, Meg's voice repeating the same words that had lead him to meeting Dean in the first place. 'Carpe Diem, Clarence.' He was really starting to hate latin. 

Castiel nodded as he let Dean steer him back to the cafe he had left five minutes ago. 

"You grab a seat I'll order. What will you have?" Dean smiled and it seemed like Cas had never seen his face without that toothy, cheek-filled grin.

"Black please. 1 sugar." Cas replied his eyes still not quite meeting the other man's before he turned to find a corner booth in a quiet part of the shop. Castiel tried to gather his thoughts as he waited for Dean to arrive with their coffee's and to be perfectly honest it was hazy how this had all happened. He was walking home then he was on top of Dean, not an entirely bad place to be if he was to be frank and now he was sitting at a table with the gorgeous man walking toward him. What the hell was he going to say? 

"Man after my own heart." Dean said putting the large mug down in front of Cas.

"What?" It was pure reaction to Dean's words, he hadn't meant to look up but now that he had and blue locked on to green he couldn't bring himself to look away again.

"Your coffee. Simple none of that rot-your-teeth confection some people drink." Dean commented stirring his own black coffee. Castiel gave a laugh.

"Gabe adds three sugars, cocoa and peppermint to his hot coffees in winter and only drinks caramel swirl with whipped cream iced coffee in summer. It's like diabetes in a cup." He watched Dean's face as Cas told the story and Dean looked as if he was not surprised.

"Sweet tooth huh? I always see him with a lollipop in his mouth at work." Dean commented as if it had just dawned on him.

Cas nodded and almost instantly with Dean's comment about Casa, Castiel's mind went straight to the first night they met. Castiel frowned, looking down into his rapidly cooling coffee that was sitting cradled between his hands. What could he even say about that night? 

"Last minute shopping?" Dean asked pulling Cas from his internal argument. 

"Ah no. I don't celebrate Christmas." 

"What!" Dean huffed unbelievably. "Why not?" 

"Um well it's kind of a long story but Christmas was always a huge deal in my family, only we couldn't get to dinner without the whole family ending up in a fight. It just seemed to dysfunctional for me so when I left home I stopped doing it." Cas stopped to take a sip of the bitter liquid thinking of home but not even slightly missing it. 

"Wow doesn't your family try to bring you home?" Dean kept up his interrogation.

"My parents and my older brother Michael don't speak to me or Gabe. My second oldest brother Luke short for Lucifer is AWOL has been for a while. Gabe and my twin sister, Anna, short for Anael, are the only family I still talk to and even then Anna isn't really allowed." Cas wasn't sure why he was telling Dean all of this but it felt good to talk to someone other than Gabe.

"Why isn't she allowed to speak to you. I mean separating twin's, that's kind of brutal. No offense sorry. It's just Sammy, my brother, and I we are like four years apart and I couldn't handle not being there for the kid. It would kill me." Dean said and Cas could see the love behind those eyes that Dean had for his brother, Cas didn't need to know him it was written all over his face.

"My family is very religious, Dean. Our names should have been the first clue." Cas paused and Dean made an 'Oh' in realization his palm flying up to slap his forehead, Cas gave a small giggle at the action before moving on. 

"Gabe had always known he was gay, growing up he was very flamboyant but since he showed interest in girls in front of my parents they had no idea, so when I was caught kissing a boy outside my school in freshman year my parents went ballistic. They enrolled me in classes like 'Fix your homosexual child' through our church and up until I was 16 I believed it was wrong." Cas stopped to take a sip. Was this too much heavy conversation for a first date. 'Wait when did this become a date.' He thought to himself. The look on Dean's face said it was okay to go on and that he wanted to know more, that was enough to reassure him. 

"Gabe tried to help told me it was okay he was too but I just kept listening to my parents and Michael who told me it was a disease, I was sick. Then when I hit 16 and I still wasn't cured I tried to kill myself. Gabe found me and when I got out of hospital my bags were packed and he took me away from them. Anna had a good life, lots of friends good grades and she is the apple of the families eye. She misses us but she sticks by the family because she believes that's where she belongs." Cas gave a shrug as if he was just telling Dean what he had for dinner last night and he could see that Dean was feeling sorry for him. 

"Don't pity me Dean. I'm happy now." Dean nodded and took a sip for his drink with a frown.

"Well Sammy and I, we love Christmas. We do it every year with our friends. They are pretty much our family. I mean we grew up together. It's a big thing with lots of food and drinks the whole thing goes on forever and there is always laughter barely any fighting. Except when Jo gets beaten at darts." Dean smiled, the ghost of food memory lighting his eyes and Cas couldn't help but be caught in the contagiousness of the grin so much so he didn't register the comment about family.

"That sounds like it would be a lot of fun." Cas smiled almost wishing he could think of his Christmas with the fondness he saw in Dean's face. 

"It is. There is always so much food no one could ever eat it all." Dean looked at Cas shyly biting the inside of his lip and Cas sensed there was more he wanted to say.

"Is something wrong, Dean?" Cas asked tilting his head slightly to the side questioningly.

"N-no. I was just... Um." Dean stuttered before closing his eyes and drawing in a breath and holding it before firing off his speech. "Look I know we had that one night thing outside Casa and it was... well frigging amazing and I don't know how you feel about it after what happened at the gas station and now with today. And I don't know how you feel about me but I think your sexy as hell and I want to get to know you and would you like to come with me. To Christmas dinner. You can even bring Gabe." The whole thing had been said pretty much in one breathe and he now only open one eye slightly to peer at Castiel who couldn't hide his smile.

"Dean, I would like nothing more than to get to know you better. At Christmas dinner." Cas laughed when Dean's eyes flung wide in disbelief that his rambling had worked but clearly very proud of himself.

"It's a Christmas miracle." He laughed and Cas couldn't help but join in.


	10. She's So Mean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you guys. Change of scenery Gabriel POV. I know anything can happen. You may not get the song inspiration straight up but think abstract. 
> 
> Gabe know Ruby. And it's not good.
> 
> Chapter Inspiration Song~ She's So Mean -Matchbox 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual guys Kudos and comments who be awesome.  
>  Thank you so much for the support so far its greatly appreciated. 
> 
> Enjoy xx

"Oh my god." Gabriel muttered as he looked down out of his 5th story window to the parking lot below. His tall and muscular bartender unfolded himself out of the drivers side of a big-black-cliche-statement-making muscle car, and Gabriel couldn't help but roll his eyes. He knows that this is partly his fault, he did encourage his brother to have sex with the man that was now leaning against the car door blowing out smoke into the cold wind but he sure as hell never encouraged Castiel to see the guy more than once.

Yes he wanted his brother to meet a nice guy, start dating again and stop living in the cloud of Shame their parents had wrapped them in but really did it have to be Dean fucking Winchester. Sure let's not get it twisted Gabriel like the guy well enough but he had a reputation, one that he was fairly sure Castiel the loner was unaware of and one Gabriel didn't really want him learning about first hand.  
This was all Meg's fault, her and her 'seize the day' Gabe internally spat, he kept a mental note to somehow make her pay. 

"Gabriel, I'm so nervous. How do I look?" Castiel asked anxiety thick in his words as he stood in the hallway between their rooms. The two bedroom loft was quite small though with the fact that only the two bedrooms and the bathroom at the end of the hall were the only actual rooms while the rest of it was wide open space it gave the feel of being big. Gabriel looked his brother up and down seriously. 

"What look were you going for, Cassie?" Gabriel said affectionately using the nickname he had alway called his baby brother. With one eyebrow raised in an arch he studied Castiel and tried, very hard he thought, to keep his composure and not laugh. The huge spectrum of difference between the styles of clothes in one single outfit was mind blowing. Castiel wore dark blue baggy cargo pants with lots of pockets and a tee-shirt under a cotton button up shirt. The ridiculous part was the red hoodie underneath a blue military style jacket. Coupled with Castiel's signature just-fucked raven hair and his unsure lopsided smile he looked like a well dressed homeless person. "And another question, Why are you wearing four layers?"

"I could decide what to wear." Castiel huffed, his lips turning down at the corners and his eyes dropping to his converse.

"Ah Cas, don't really think it matters when the person you are trying to impress has already seen you naked." Gabriel couldn't help himself now and he burst into hysterical laughter as he watched his younger brothers face turn beetroot. 

"But we were only naked from hi..." 

"Whoa! Cas! Seriously way too much information." Gabriel interrupted putting a hand over his ears and shaking his head as if that action alone could shake free what he had just began to hear. Castiel looked flustered and confused and for the first time since hearing the obnoxious drawl of the impala pull into the carpark Gabriel was thankful for Dean's presence as the chime of the doorbell filled the loft. "Go answer the door, doofus." Gabriel said grabbing Castiel's shoulders, turning him around and nudging him towards the front door.  
Gabriel turned back into his room to gather his jacket before stuffing a hand full and a half of candy into his pocket. Today was going to be a really long day, he had be really pleased when Castiel came home the day before soaked through but with a ridiculous smile on his face saying they had plans for Christmas -of course Gabriel had run straight to the medical supplies to find the thermometer- that was until he found out he would be spending the day with his employee, well let the tedium begin he thought spitefully. 

****

Harvelle's Roadhouse definitely had a certain amount of charm to it. Oh for sure it was nothing like his club but Gabriel could see and appreciate the potential he felt the minute he set foot in the saloon style pub. The place itself was fairly big with polished hardwood floors, that too the owners credit were only slightly scuffed. The bar itself was a 3 sided square against a wall behind which he presumes was the kitchen and would easily fit 5 people behind it without and issue. A pinball machine, deer hunting arcade machine, jukebox and dart board made for entertainment on one side of the room while three pool tables covered it on the other. All the tables had been cleared out except for three which had been joined in the middle of the room with place settings and Christmas decorations that coupled with the carols playing from the old school jukebox Gabriel was starting to this wouldn't be so bad after all. And then he decided it definitely wouldn't. 

Mr really tall, slightly tanned and mouthwateringly handsome stepped through the door and made every other part of Gabriel's surroundings dull in comparison. The absolute gigator of a man stood probably about 6"3/6"4, by Gabe's estimation and even through the plaid shirt and jeans that were halfway between baggy and tight he could see the man was well built. His long,floppy chocolate coloured hair made Gabriel's fingers itched to be buried amongst it follicles while he stare into his hazel eyes that were so clear and bright Gabe could see them from where he stood across the room. Of course where there was tantalizing good news there was always tiresome disappointing news. 

"Hey Sammy, good of you to join us." Dean called walked up to the other man and clapping him on the back. 

"Hi Dean. I told you my date was picking me up, this is Ruby. Ruby this is my brother Dean." Gabriel watched as his brothers crush linked hands with his crushes date and he couldn't help the dark feelings that arose when the tall man moved and Gabriel's eyes fell of said crushes date. Ruby Blade, you couldn't own a club in Lawrence without knowing who she was and who she hung with. 

"Cas, do you know Dean's brother?" Gabriel whispered to Castiel as he approached him. The two sat at the bar watching Dean and his brother talk and introduce Ruby to the rest of the room. 

"No. I don't. I have only been out with Dean once and he only mention Sam in passing. Why do you ask?" Cas explained clinically although just by looking at Gabriel's frown cas could help but feel concerned. 

"Cas, I want you to meet my baby brother, Sammy. Sammy this is my friend Cas and his brother slash my boss, Gabe." Dean introduced pulling Gabriel from his internal monologuing, he momentarily noticed his brothers face fall when dean introduced him as friend but his attention was split as he held his hand out for the olive skinned god in front of him.

"Pleasure is mine." Gabe cooed shaking Sam's hand, glad that Ruby had stayed far away from him talking to Dean's "sister" Jo. 

"Boss? You own Casa Erotica?" Sam asked looking surprised.

"Sure do. Expecting someone else?" Gabe replied with a wink. He wasn't really sure but there was something in Sam's eyes that made Gabriel want to studying them cataloging every colour. 

"Well I don't know. When you here strip club owner you automatically think seedy old guy not..."

"A young, sexy and charming entrepreneur?" Dean and Cas were watching closely but he couldn't help himself, flirting was second nature to him and it was so easy to do while looking into those adorable puppy dog eyes. Sam smiled and turned his head a small flush of heat visible just below his collar. Gabriel could help but smirk, the younger Winchester maybe here with a girl, and a bad one at that but like his brother he was a little less than straight, even if he didn't quite know it yet. 

"Jo wants to show us something, Sam. Sorry to interrupt." Ruby's voice, fakingly sweet sounded suddenly at Sam's side and Gabriel could help himself tense immediately. Castiel who was still standing beside him and had been quietly watching the introduction sensed something was wrong almost instantly. "Oh and Dean, Ellen? She says she needs your help in the kitchen." The two Winchester boys excused themselves as Sam was pulled upstairs by Ruby and Blonde-headed Jo and Dean slunk into the kitchen to help with the food. 

"Gabriel is everything okay? You don't seem very happy." As brother's Gabriel and Castiel have always had a keen sense when it came to each other's emotions, it wasn't as strong as the connection that Castiel felt with his twin sister Anna, but it was a strong intuition that had never failed them before. And this time was no different. 

"No Cas, I'm not okay but unfortunately I'm afraid there is nothing I can do. Yet." Gabriel kept his eyes fixed on the staircase that Sam and the two girls had just disappeared up and couldn't help the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. It didn't matter that he didn't know Sam he knew impending doom when he saw it.


	11. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's choice ultimately is hurt him now to save his hurt later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies. In this chapter their are some things that have changed from canon regarding Mary's death and the boys life on the road. Remember this is AU so I have had to write it like this to go with the flow of my story. As always please show your support Kudos and Comments. 
> 
> Thanks guys. ENJOY xx
> 
> P.S This chapter isn't one of my best I feel but please let me know what you think.
> 
> Song Inspiration for Chapter ~ Regret by Anathema.

The roadhouse looked very similar to how it did on thanksgiving, only there were a few more chairs to cater for extra people. Sam had finally brought a girl home, up until now Dean had been living on the assumption that his brother would one day just learn to much and his body would split in two to allow for extra brain power. Ruby was cute and she seemed to really like Sam so that's what mattered. Jo had bought a guy along, his name was Adam and Bobby didn't look too impressed at all not that Ellen would let her husband voice his opinions. Dean of course had invited Cas and his brother who at the moment were back talking to Sam and Ruby after the returned from upstairs with Jo.

Cas looked so good, trying not to be creepy Dean watched them all talk and laugh through the service window between the kitchen and bar. It looked so easy like Cas had never belonged anywhere more than here with Dean's family, it scared Dean to death. In his whole life he had been with one person for longer than his usually one night minimum two months maximum deal and that had been an epic mistake.

Yesterday it had seemed like such a great idea, yesterday when he could feel Cas' body on top of his after they had stumbled to the ground, when he had sat across from Cas and felt like he could drown in the 30 different colours of blue. To hear Cas talk about his life, it made Dean angry like he wanted to punish Cas' parents for what they did to him, he wanted to reach out across the table and take the pain he could see in Cas' eyes. Now though he wasn't so sure, he couldn't save Sammy or the rest of his makeshift family they already loved him for reason he couldn't even begin to comprehend but like he decided before he saw Cas again and was blinded by the man's angelic being, he would stop Cas from having to be burdened by being apart of his life. 

"You know if you paid more attention you wouldn't cut yourself." Ellen said walking into the kitchen. Dean looked down from where he had been staring at Cas and Sam -which ended up being a little creepy- and saw he had accidentally cut his thumb, luckily the food wasn't near the blood and the cut wasn't bad.

"Ahh Fuck." Dean grumbled running his hand under water to wash away the blood while Ellen got him a band aid. 

"What the hell is going on in that thick head of yours, you never stuff up in the kitchen?" She was right, from the first time Ellen had pulled him into the kitchen at hers and Bobby's place he had always been professional as if no matter where he cooked it was a restaurant kitchen and he was being evaluated. It was just how Dean always had been if he was doing something he was damn sure going to do it right, it was one of the decent lessons John had taught and they were few and far between.

"Nothing, Ellen. Just some crap that really doesn't need to be brought up." Dean shook his head and returned to the salad he had been chopping. He had slept with a few guys after first realizing he liked men as well but it was his personal life and he had never actually admitted it too his family, up until that unfortunate day all those years ago he hadn't even thought about it, specially with how John was. 

"Oi idjit, spill before I clip ya round the ear hole!" Ellen smirked, she was smiling but he knew she was being very serious about hearing what was on his mind.

"Seriously you been spending way too much time around Bobby." Dean laughed shaking his head not taking his eyes of his work.

"Happens when you're married to someone rather than staring at them pining away like a big gay teddy bear." Dean choked on the beer he had just taken a swig of.

"Ellen!" Dean cried completely shocked and he could feel the heat burning up in his cheeks. 

"Oh please. Don't 'Ellen' me." Ellen had stopped what she was doing and turned all of her complete attention directly at him.

"You know?"

"Honey, Bobby and I have known for years." She said rolling her eyes with that little bit of attitude. "Honestly, we thought after John died you would feel it was safe enough to come out." Her fist was resting on her hip.

"How could you have known? I didn't even know until a year before dad died." Dean said the surprise still evident on his face, in his whole stance which to most people would emulate as defensiveness but Ellen was as close as a mother as Dean had he knew better then to think getting on the defense was going to make this conversation end.

"There is always signs kiddo. Why are you hiding something that is so important?" Ellen frowned looking Dean in the eye and Dean was too ashamed to hold the look.

"You know how John was." Dean started. Ellen caught his chin between her thumb and forefinger making him look into her eyes.

"Sam isn't John. Sam isn't anything like John." She said straight away knowing what was crippling him.

"Doesn't mean he won't have the same reaction." Dean replied sadly the memory of losing everything he has ever held dear making his chest ache and stunting his breathing slightly.

"You have to give him the chance to surprise you. Listen to me Dean Winchester you alway think the worst of every situation and this is just another excuse to keep anyone who might hurt you at arm's length. With everything you and Sam have been through I seriously doubt you are going to lose him over who you sleep with. As long as you're happy he will be." Ellen bitched. She had a point of course he doubted that Sam would turn his back on him but th fear was crippling. 

"And what about Cas?" Dean asked rubbing the back of his neck his emotions ripping him raw.

"I'm pretty sure Cas knows you're gay, kiddo" Ellen laughed and Dean tilted his head giving her a bitchface he had learned so well from Sam.

"He deserves better than me. I have bad habits, I drink too much and smoke." Dean pushed.

"I'm sure Cas has some less than desirable traits. Again you need to let that be his choice, for what it's worth I think the kid already has it pretty bad for you." Ellen said finishing the food prep and taking out the beautiful smelling turkey without another word leaving Dean to his thoughts. 

He knew that Ellen spoke truth she was always someone who would tell Dean how it was and give it to him straight but he just wasn't convinced. How could he be good for anyone? Dean knew that you should look to the future and pay no mind to the past but his past wasn't something you could just forget. It made being apart of his world difficult. Dean walked back out to the bar draining his beer and grabbing another before taking his seat between Sam and Cas. 

"Are you okay, Dean?" Cas whispered, his shoulder bumping with Deans and their knees pressed together, the heat between them undoubtedly electrifying. Dean looked at the object of his confusion and couldn't help the smile at the look of concern on the face he thought was so beautiful. 

"I will be, Cas." Dean said giving the other men's knee a small pat, his face falling at the thought it would be the last time he would touch Cas.  
****

Dean almost had to inhale a whole pot of coffee before Ellen would allow him to drive, no matter how much he argued. The ride back to Cas and Gabe's loft was a quiet one for Dean at least. The other two men discussed Ellen's amazing cooking, Ash's awful jokes and how funny Bobby's face was when Adam tried to kiss Jo goodbye -Dean had to admit his surrogate father almost turning purple with frustration was pretty funny- How all up it had been a great day. It was now well after midnight but Dean's thoughts had not much changed from the direction they had been at midday.

When they arrived at the loft Dean walked the brother's to the door shaking Gabriel's hand as he turned in.

"Well Dean-o thanks for the invitation. I actually had a decent time." Gabriel smirked cheekily, Dean knew exactly what had made it so great for the older brother and Dean wasn't a hypocrite but the small man having the hots for Sam was just creepy and everyone knew it, Gabe made no effort to hide his flirtations. The honey-brown eyed man gave his eyebrows a wiggle as if he knew where Dean had gone in his mind, before he disappeared into the apartment. 

The tension only grew with Gabriel's departure and Dean couldn't look Cas in the eye even if he wanted to. 

"Thank you Dean. Gabriel is right tonight was wonderful. Your family are very nice, entertaining as well." Cas said his voice low and when Dean looked up he could see the sincerity in his words. Dean just nodded tight lipped before Cas opened the door to leave. 

"Wait." Dean interrupted and Cas froze, his hand poised in the door knob. "How... Wh-When did you know you were gay?" Dean asked quietly keeping to script he had formed in his head the whole trip between Harvelle's and here. Cas looked confused and ran his hand through his dark hair making it stand up more than it already was. 

"I guess a part of me always knew." Cas answered honestly with a sigh. "Why Dean? When did you know?" 

"I didn't." Dean replied rubbing the back of his neck, an action he did when he was anxious. "I mean not right away. My mum died in a house fire when I was 7 and my dad was completely torn apart he started drinking to fight the part and it turned into a problem, we moved around a lot after that and dad took whatever odd job would take him, eventually though we would have to move again because he would get fired for taking too many days off or would get into trouble with someone. " Dean's voice hitched at memories he refused to talk about, he wasn't sure what it was about Cas but he felt he could tell the man any thing. He eventually moved from the railing he was leaning on to sit on the top step where Cas joined him, remaining completely silent just listening.

"The house we lived in mum and dad had built when sammy was 6 months old and the contractor they used was a con man. They paid him a fortune and he pocketed the money using cheap materials cheap labours to do the work. Long story short a lot of corners were cut and the house wasn't to code, a faulty wiring triggered a small explosion in Sammy's room dad was able to get Sam out to me for us to run but mum was trapped and already..." Tears rolled down Dean's cheeks and he felt Castiel's hand on his back stroking circles.

"When I was 17 Dad hired a PI to find the guy contractor but he couldn't afford to pay him. Dad gave him the only thing he could afford to give." Dean turned his head locking his eyes on Castiel's blue ones. "He gave him me." Cas gasp in disbelief and Dean could see the disgust on his face and he felt his heart sink.

"Dad hated 'his type' but it meant he got his information. Despite the fact he had done it to me dad said he refused to support my 'lifestyle' and while I was with him I would never see him or Sammy again but it was to save them so it was worth it. It wasn't until I was with the guy for a few months I fell in love and that was when I realized I was gay or at least bisexual." Dean looked up staring straight ahead summoning the memory he kept buried of the man he had loved who had turned Dean into his prisoner.

"Dean, I am so sorry that happened to you." Cas whispered low his own eyes filling with tears. 

"I am too. I wasn't given the choice and because of what I went through I regret it and I normally I would put someone through that but this time I have to." Dean felt the tears return and his heart was breaking. 

"Dean I don't understand." Cas shook his head sadly.

"Cas, we can't be together. I can't let you regret the choice to be with me..."

"So you're taking it away!" Cas cried jumping up to standing position as soon as he realized what was happening. "You just finished saying you father took your choice away and it was the worst thing to ever happen yet you feel comfortable doing it to me?" Dean looked down at his feet ashamed but resolved. 

"I'm sorry Cas but it's for the best." Dean said getting up to walk away. "I have to pay for my past for the rest of my life, I won't let that hurt you." He turned from Cas and walked away knowing the other man's were wet with tears. Dean blinked rapidly fighting his own. It wrecked him to know he had hurt the blue eyed angel but he had saved him a larger pain of being with Dean.


	12. You Shook Me All Night Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby is very quickly becoming Sam's drug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry it took so long. In this chapter there is a bit of drug use so just beware of that if it's a trigger, it isn't alot but I figure I have to put the warning in anyway. Also Smut. If you want to skip chapter alls good. 
> 
> As alway please leave comments and Kudos let me know what you think. 
> 
> Enjoy xx
> 
> Chapter Inspiration Song ~ You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC

It had been a long entertaining day. Dean trying desperately to hide his attraction to the friend he brought along to Christmas at the Singers -Seriously who did he think he was fooling- and then there was Dean's friends brother Gabriel. Sam got a vibe of him that really should have made him uncomfortable but instead had down something completely different, he could even begin to try and explain it. One thing it didn't take a genius to realize was Ruby and Gabriel really didn't like each other, they were civil enough at the roadhouse but Sam was excellent on reading between the lines -it's what was going to make him a good lawyer- and he knew something was up. 

Sam and Ruby had left second last, before Dean who was currently probably getting a caffeine shower from Ellen, and both had decided Sam would stay at Ruby's and sleep on the couch considering they were both pretty drunk -not as much as Dean though- and her place was closer than Sam and Dean's apartment that was near Campus half an hour away. 

"I'm just going to get changed, feel free to grab a beer from the fridge and get one for me too." Ruby called as she walked down a narrow hallway from the front door, she pointed to the large doorway to the right while she walked into another hallway to the left. Ruby's apartment matched her name, the walls were cream white but most of her furniture was either black or blood red. Her kitchen was all granite tile and chrome cookery while another doorway off that led to a living room with black carpet, a large black timber entertainment system and a three person red couch in the shape of lips. There was one feature wall painted entirely red while the other three were filled with postures of half naked women holding snakes and pictures of awesome knives wielded by scarcely clad hunky guys. He had to give her points for taste, the girls of course. 

Ruby walked into the room wearing cotton mini shorts and a 'Ramones' singlet cut to show her midriff a tiny red gemstone dangled from a silver piercing in her belly button. Sam shifted on the lounge moving to make way for her to sit beside him -and if he was being honest to adjust himself. Seriously was he 13 again?- she put a small chest on the coffee table in front of them before picking up her beer and taking a swig. 

"You're really milking the Ruby red thing aren't you?" Sam laughed looking around. Ruby just lifted a perfectly shaped eyebrow and smiled around the top of her beer bottle. 

"It suits me, don't you think?" She said with a wink turning her petite body to completely face him. Sam smiled and shyly looked down at his lap where he was cradling his beer as he fiddled the label with his thumb nail.

"So... today was fun." Ruby said shaking her brown hair a little so it was out of her face. 

"Yeah, thanks for coming." He replied and Ruby just shrugged indicating it was no big deal. 

"Your brother's gay right?" She asked with a small giggle. Sam just laughed as well remembering Dean and his friends communication, they looked like they badly wanted to get a room but Dean had also looked conflicted.

"Hah. I don't even think he knows what's going on but yeah if I had to guess I'd say he was." Sam nodded his mop of hair fully down around his eyes. Sam heard Ruby shift as she moved to grab the chest from the table. 

"You know I asked Jo to introduce us." Ruby said coyly fiddling with something in the box. Sam jerked his head up honing in on the beautiful girl, he opened his mouth to say something but honestly he couldn't really form a coherent thought. Ruby laughed at the look of complete shock on Sam's face. "Why do you look surprised I noticed you around and figured out you hung out with Jo." Ruby finished pulling a perfect rolled smoke from the box and putting to her lips drawing in long after she lit. The putrid smell of marijuana filled Sam's nostrils and he hummed remembering the pleasant buzz he got when he smoked with Jo.

"Achm. Why me?" Sam inquired gaining some composure.

Ruby took another long drag of the smoke and let her eyes flicker close relishing in the high. "Because I'm interested in you, Sam." She smiled the smoke hitched in her throat making her voice slightly rougher before she blow the dirty vapour into the air. Sam looked her up and down with want. 

"Do you partake?" Ruby petitioned.

"I've been known too." Sam answered honestly. Even if it had just been the once. Sam accepted the joint when Ruby offered it taking a large draw of his own. Together they chatted about school as they finished the smoke and downed a few more beers. Sam felt as if he was floating as he lay his head back while Ruby got them more drinks. He felt as if he was about to fall asleep before he felt small hands on his knees.

Sam opened his eyes to find Ruby between his open legs a hand on each knee smiling up at him her dark eyes basically sparkling through her long lashes. Her small fingers went straight to his zipper as she slowly -painfully so- dragged it down and Sam could feel his eyelids flicker with want. 

"Did you just get me stoned to get in my pants?" Sam said half with a marijuana fueled giggle that made him sound like a 12 year old girl. Ruby didn't seem to notice it though looking as though she was seriously considering his question.

"No." She decided. "I wanted in your pants anyway. Being stoned was just a bonus." Her eyes were glassy and her words came out muffled as if she were sleep talking, that made Sam think better of what was happening even in his intoxicated mind he knew he couldn't. 

"Ruby wait. Maybe this isn't a great idea?" It came out more of a question then a statement, and the hardness just below her hands was betraying him. 

"What's wrong Sam? Is it because of the pot?" Ruby said with a pout pushing out her bottom lip dramatically more than necessary. Sam couldn't help the twitch in his jeans when her chocolate eyes meet his as she drew herself up to sit straight on her legs. "I know what I am doing, Sam. Every part of me wants you." To reiterate her point she wrapped her fingers around his wrist and guided his gigantic hand up her soft creamy skin to cradle one ample breast in his palm. A small whimper escaped Sam's throat and he closed his eyes concentrating solely on the feel of where soft flesh met lace.

Sam angled three fingers inside Ruby's bra softly rubbing the pads of his fingers over her nipples. Ruby flung her head back and let out a moan, like a dam breaking Sam leant forward catching Ruby's lips with his own in a bruising kiss. He couldn't control his need any longer as he carefully pulled his hand from Ruby's breast and ran both huge hands down her body grabbing hold of her arse and pulling her into his lap. As Sam drew his hands back up her body he gathered up the bottom of her shirt and pulled it up and off her,only stopping their kiss to allow way for the shirt. 

Ruby shivered under Sam's hands and he smiled into her lips loving he was effecting her as much as she was him. Planted tight in his lap Ruby let her hips slowly gyrate against Sam, her arse creating exquisite friction against his still denim clad cock. With one hand holding Ruby close to him, never letting her lips leave his, Sam ran the back b of his fingers from in between her plentiful cleavage to the elastic on her short shorts. Teasingly he slid one finger just inside and ran it softly from one hip to the other then back to the middle, Ruby groaned impatiently pushing down and wiggling her arse fast making Sam jut his hips up 

"Ah...Fuck!" Sam cried through grit teeth as his cock was painfully hard and still confined in his jeans and boxes. Sam dipped his head to bury it in the crook of Ruby's neck sucking a mark into the side of her throat as he delved his hand completely inside the front of her pants and flicked at her core.

"Sam!" Ruby near on scream grabbing hold of his shoulders and digging in her fingernails to ground her, Sam would be surprised in they didn't puncture his flesh and draw blood. 

"Oh god, you're so wet." Sam hummed in her ear and she couldn't help the moan that escaped her lips at the sound of his now much lower seductive voice. Sam brought his lips back to hers swallowing her cries at he buried two fingers inside the warm juicy folds of her flesh and god did he wish it was his dick. 

"You're so tight." He cooed affectionately before licking back into her mouth. Ruby's breathing became hitched and he could feel her inner walls hug his fingers tighter the before as they wiggled inside her massaging her sweet spot. 

"Fuck! Sam!" Ruby called as she came on his fingers before she collapsed on his wide chest her own chest heaving to allow air to her lungs. Sam smiled kissing the top of her head proud of himself before -with the hand not covered in Ruby's come- lifting her chin so their eyes met. 

"Like that baby?" Sam murmured as if he didn't already know the answer. Without giving him one Ruby pressed a chaste peck to Sam's lips before using the back of the couch to help her up. With a filthy wink Ruby shimmed out of her shorts and suck to her knees in front of him again grasping the top of his jeans to encourage him out of them. Sam just laughed his eyes flicking to watch her lips dart out to moisten her gorgeous mouth. Ruby peeled down his jeans and boxers pulling his shoes off at the same time and throwing them beside her.   
With barely a side thought Ruby ran her wet tongue from base to head before closing her lips around the crown of his cock and sucking it down deep into the back of her throat.

"Oh m..." Sam groaned as his muscles tensed and his toes curled, his head dropping to the back of the couch and one hand going to the back of Ruby's head burying his fingers in her long hair. "God damn!" His whole body seemed to convulse with the sudden shock of her tight throat constricting strategically around his flesh. Ruby brought her lips back up and lifting them off his rod with an obscene pop before repeating the action. Sam wasn't sure how long he could hold out through this assault but luckily she didn't make him wait much longer. The final time she did it she had turned away from him before hand only to return with something in her mouth, through hooded eyes Sam watched her complete her tease but as her lips came back up they left clear coating of a condom in their wake. 

"Impressive." Sam breathes his voice barely a whisper as Ruby effortlessly climbs back onto his lap. Sam held her hips tight as she leaned forward kissing his breathless -he was surprised he had any air in his lungs- before reaching down between them holding the base of his shaft and all to teasingly slow she sat down peircing herself with his cock with fluttering eyelids and her mouth in an "O". 

Ruby curved her back leaning so her palm rest on Sam's knees thrusting her bosom forward. Sam moved his hands up her sides to unclasp her bra letting it drop down her arms while he licked at Ruby's nipples. At that moment Ruby thrust her hips forward and began grinding back and forward as both their moans began filling the room, Sam kissing, licking and nibbling from one erect nipple to the other and back. 

"Fuck...Ah!" Ruby hummed as she varied her pace moving faster, Sam put a hand between them flicking her clit in rhythm to her movements before long Sam could fill her walls begin to close tighter around him in the tell tale sign of her building climax. Drawing Ruby in to his chest, Sam lifted her hips just a fraction higher and gripped them tight as he began to pump up into her at an unforgiving pace. Warmth grew in his lower abdomen and Ruby took over again where he began to falter riding then both to climax. 

Ruby fell against Sam's chest now wet with sweat as they both tried to catch their breath before she rolled of. Sam walked to her bathroom to dispose of the condom before gathering water in his broad hands and splashing his face.

"Hey Sam?" Ruby called knocking on the bathroom door. "I rolling another spliff, you want?" 

The sun was just beginning to rise through the small bathroom window and Sam looked at himself in the mirror his lust blown pupils making the look almost black with only a small ring of hazel surrounding them. His eyes which he guess were probably glassy not long ago with the effects of the drug were now bloodshot and puffy. 

"Yeah." He replied just loud enough to be heard, at the very least it would help him sleep tonight -or today he wasn't sure of the exact time but the dim light was already hurting his retinas- because the events previously would keep him and other parts of him alert if his mind wasn't forced to shut down even slightly. Sam gave his reflection a quick smile before turning away, this girl with her amazing lips and to die for body were drawing him in and he wasn't sure if he could -even if he wanted to- escape her spell.


	13. I'll Follow You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel won't let Dean Win.
> 
> Song Inspiration - I'll Follow You by Shinedown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I am soooo sorry this took so long. I have had studies, my birthday and let's be honest a little bit of writer's block. Here it is though I hope you like it. As always comments and Kudos. Enjoy xx
> 
> P.S I'm curious to my faithful readers, do uou guys check out the chapter inspiring songs?

Even from across a dark crowded room Cas could feel Dean's pull like a gravity beam that pulled him straight to the bartender, he kept his head high as he pushed his way toward the dimly lit bar equip with air tight resolve. It was now New Year's Eve and Gabe was holding his usual "welcome in the new year" party so it was busy in the club tonight but Cas didn't care he had one word for what he was feeling right now and Dean was going to hear what he had to say. 

"Dean, we need to talk." His resolve almost broke when those beautiful green eyes met his blue ones and he could have swore he saw something like regret pass before them before they hardened again. 

"Cas. Now is really not a good time." Dean continued his work moving from customer to customer while Cas just watched. Cas knew that this was probably a really bad idea but he needed to tell Dean what he felt. 

Early Boxing Day Morning.

It had been two hours since Dean had dropped Cas off after an amazing Christmas day with his family and then broken his heart. As he lay in his room listening to one of his playlists on his laptop and staring at the ceiling he felt like a hopeless 16 yr old all over again.

"Cassie? Is everything okay?" Gabriel asked knocking on the door that stood a little ajar. 

"Yeah." Cas made his reply sound as neutral as possible but he knew it wouldn't convince Gabriel. It never did. 

"Little bro you are on your back listening to Natalie Imbruglia. Don't even pretend like I don't know what that means." Gabriel had a point Cas was predictable when it came to heartbreak. 

First he wallowed in self pity listening to a mix of Natalie, Jewel, Dido, Alanis and the Corrs he knew it was girly but he honestly couldn't bring himself to care. Second he would become the world's most annoying cleaner, he would wash up cooking utensils while Gabe was still using them and vacuum the same patch of floor 6 times. And last he and Meg would hang out at the club getting drunk on tequila in between Meg's sets. It had been the same way since Cas was 12, the last part was a new addition after the hell that was a certain british dick but otherwise it was foolproof.

"Seriously, talk to me." Gabriel said entering the room and sitting on the end of Castiel's double bed. 

"It's just Dean. We had an amazing day, I mean you were there didn't it look like there could have been more than just friends between us?"

"Unfortunately yes." Castiel couldn't help the confused look he now aimed toward his brother. "Look Cassie, Dean is an awesome bartender he keeps the drinks flowing and the customers happy but the guy is an alcoholic, a flirt and possibly a player." Gabe pulled out a lollipop from his pocket and after unwrapping it made a big show of erotically putting it in his mouth.

"You don't know that, half his wage is probably tips so he flirts to get more but really a player?" Cas asked doubtfully.

"Oh my sweet naive little bro. The guy had sex with you against a wall outside my club and didn't call you again." Castiel clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth thinking it through, he didn't know why especially after how last night had ended, but he felt as though he had to stand up for Dean. 

"That was my fault as well. I came on to him and call it trashy but it was kind of hot just hooking up in an alley outside a stip club, I can strike that off my bucket list. Plus I didn't give him my number and didn't ask for his." Cas defended. 

"Okay so what happened after yesterday that has you all depressed now?" Gabe asked seriously making himself comfortable cross legged at the end of the bed, Cas sat up plumping up pillows to support him against the bed head. 

"He told me that when he was young his mother died and after that his father made became a drunk and made a lot of bad decisions for him and Sam. Decisions that dean regretted now but did them then out of a sense of duty. He said that he didn't want to ever make decisions for people because of that but he wasn't going to let mine cause me regret or pain." Castiel finished the short story and watched the wave of emotions pass across Gabriel's features. 

"Wait so he told you, you can't be with him cause you will regret it? Dude it sounds like he is saving you the trouble I don't see the issue." Gabe shrugged his shoulders as if Cas' heart wasn't already breaking.

"It's too late Gabe, I'm already falling for him. I don't know what it he's sure he probably an alcoholic like you say..."

"Guys a fish, little bro." Gabriel interrupted with raised and judging eyebrows. 

"... and a flirt." He continued as if Gabe hadn't spoken. "But his eyes show something else. Deep down he is genuine and sweet and has the world on his shoulders. He loves his brother and respects his family. There is worse out there." Castiel watched his older brother's indecision. It was clear Gabriel didn't like the thought or Cas being with Dean but like he always had in the end he would let Cas make his own mind up and would be supportive if it fell apart. 

"Okay I am doing this out of protest but Dean-o isn't working again until New Years, I am having my annual bash but I will bring in a reserve so you can pull him away for a bit. Tell him how you feel lay it all out but if he rejects you let it end there, don't let him be more trouble than he is worth." Castiel had almost pounced on Gabriel with appreciated hugs and Gabe had to threaten him with physical harm to get him off but Cas was glad his brother had his back. 

Current Day

So there he was waiting at the bar watching Dean ignore him getting less and less resolved as the minutes ticked by. 

"Cas you aren't going to get results just sitting there." Gabe retorted as he passed with a tray of drinks for VIP's in a private room toward the back. 

Castiel nodded and waited for Dean to come by again. 

"Dean, we need to talk. Now!" He didn't care how he sounded or the fact that a few customers and Dean's co worker -Castiel knew as Charlie- were staring at him, he came to give Dean a piece of his mind and damn it that's just what he was going to do.

"Castiel I'm really busy right now I can't afford to get fired for slacking." Dean's argument would be a valid one if Cas' brother wasn't his boss. He tried not to let it hurt him that for the first time ever Dean had called him by his actual name. 

"I'm sure Gabriel wouldn't mind if you took at 10 minute break." Cas tried not to look nervous and instead tried the smug look Meg and Gabe had been teaching him for when guys were attempting to pick him up. 

"It's packed in here there is no way he would let me leave the bar." Dean kept serving as he argued with Cas and he had to assume it was to avoid eye contact as cas got none. 

"Gabriel, I need to speak to Dean. Give him a tenner?" Cas made a show of sweetly asking when Fabe returned to the bar and Dean paused in his task looking confused and slightly terrified.

"Yeah sure. Alfie can hold down the fort." Gabriel said pointing to a lanky young man who looked barely out of his teens and almost as terrified as Dean did, maybe more so. 

"What? He has been here a week he can't handle it back here. Gabriel how can you be okay with this?" Dean protested.

"Hellooo trickster." Gabe sing songed drawing an imaginary circle around his face with his finger "I feed of people's drama, it's like a drug to me. Now get gone." He finished pushing Dean away but not before the bartender snagged bottle of whiskey, that had about two shots left in the bottom and a beer. 

They walked through the back door leading to the loading dock in silence and Cas waited by the familiar crate while Dean snagged his cigarettes from his locker as they passed. Dean sat on the crate like he had the first night they had met and lit his smoke looking up at the clouding sky blowing out the foul smelling fog with a loud and heavy sigh. 

"What do you want, Cas?" Up until that moment he wasn't exactly sure the specifics of what he was going to say to Dean but with that question he just knew what the answer had to be. 

"You." He replied looking at the older man's face even if he could only see his stubble rough cheek.

"Oh fuck me" murmured with his eyes closed as he grabbed the liquor bottle and almost drained it with one mouthful before chasing it with a mouthful of beer before he opened his eyes again. "Not an invitation by the way." Neither of them could stifle a laugh at that before the air turned tense once again. "Why in the hell would you want me?" Dean finally asked. 

"Do you want me to list the reasons?" Castiel asked and when Dean said nothing but turned to look at him Cas decided to tell him. "You're a hard worker who would do anything for your family. I know this from talking to Ellen and Bobby who told me not only do you work here but you work at Bobby's auto yard to pay them back for when you and Sam lived with them. I was told by Sam you also work the two jobs to pay for his education and to put a roof over your heads and food on the table. You're smart, I learnt that from Sam who also told me you have a GED. Talented, Jo showed me photo's on her phone of some of your artwork and tattoo designs. You're funny and beautiful and an amazing kisser." Cas finished and the surprise on Dean's face was paramount. 

"Wow my family told you a lot huh?" Dean said taking another drag of his smoke and mouthful of beer turning h8s gaze back to the sky. 

"The kissing part I learnt for myself." Castiel jestered and noticed the small smile the played at Dean's lips. 

"That's an impressive list Cas. Now let me give you one of my own. I smoke, I drink way too much, all of my time is spent working or with Sam. I have an absurd attachment to my car, I have slept with more women then you have have probably met and I have seen and done things that are very bad and that will one day come up to bite me in the arse. You barely know me or anything about me and if you did and were sane would run very far and very fast in the opposite direction." Dean pinned Cas with a serious frown that only made his eyes shine brighter with the position the light behind him hit them. 

"Then let's just say I'm insane and you stop making excuses." Castiel fought. 

"God damn it Cas." Dean swore flicking his cigarette and finishing the last mouthful of whiskey chasing it with the last mouthful of beer before getting to his feet. "I can't do this I have to go." He said sadly as he turned away. Watching Dean turn his back for a second time fuelled the anger in Castiel's gut he had been feeling since boxing day. He wouldn't let Dean do this to him. 

"Dean wait." He shouted and to his surprise Dean actually stopped but didn't turn back, instead he stayed rooted to the spot his eyes on his boots. "I like you, j mean really like you. I don't care if you were a falling down drunk and smell like an ashtray, I'll buy air freshener. I don't care if you have no time for me, I'll make time for you. I don't care if your past comes back opens up hell and swallows you whole, I'll jump in behind you. I don't care if I don't know every last detail of your life because what I do know is want to spend every second of mine learning about it." 

"Cas that's ridiculous you have known me for a few weeks have hung out with me all of three times." Dean said turning to face him. "One of which doesn't count because it was half an hour of yes granted amazing sex against a dirty wall in the back alley behind your brother's strip club. You can't possibly feel that strongly about someone you basically just met." Cas could tell from the rising of Dean's voice he was frustrated but he wouldn't let Dean win this round. 

"Really? Look me in the face and tell me you don't have the exact same feelings for me." Dean's gaze dropped back to his boots avoiding Castiel's. "Go on Dean. Say it, say you don't want me." Castiel knew he was pretty much yelling and he could feel the bite of his nails against his palm but he wanted Dean so bad he wasn't going to stop. He saw Dean's lips moved but he heard no words. "What?" He shouted. 

"I can't!" Dean cried back. "I can't tell you I don't want you because I do. I look into your eyes and that's all I want to do just sit and stare but it isn't right. I'm not good for you." His voice didn't drop a decibel and Cas was sure if it wasn't for the extremely loud music the whole club would have heard them. Cas stepped closer to Dean until he was barely a breath away.

"Why don't you let me decide what is and isn't good for me?" Cas asked putting a hand softly to Dean's cheek and smiling as Dean's eyes fluttered closed and he leaned into Cas' touch. "Even if you no good for me, maybe I am good for you." He finished his voice now barely a whisper just inches from Dean's face. 

Dean opened his eyes and green met blue they stared at each other for what seemed like a lifetime before Dean dropped the bottles in his hand with a loud clatter and wrapped an arm around Cas' waist while bringing the other hand to the side of his face pulling him in for a sweeping kiss. It was like the ending of every sappy chick flick Castiel had ever seen and it was brilliant. Cas' heart skipped a beat and his stomach was all flutter but Dean's lips on his felt exactly right. 

Dean pulled his lips away but holding their foreheads together. "Your infuriating." He whispered with a smile. 

"You'll learn to love me." Cas replied and his heart almost leaped out his throat with Dean reply.

"I think I already do."


	14. Crying Like A Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby makes a wrong turn and lands on Gabriels last nerve.
> 
>  
> 
> Song Inspiration - Crying Like a Bitch by Godsmack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short kind of a fill in chapter history with Gabriel and Ruby. As always comments and kudos are encouraged and appreciated. Thanks.
> 
> Enjoy xx

Okay so Gabriel was spying but come on Castiel is his baby brother it is his job to keep an eye on him. Well he had been up until the two started making out now that was something he really didn't need to see. As it was every year his New Year Eve party was a success the place was at maximum with a line up the street and still another three hours until midnight. He had six girls on tonight and four bartenders including himself and Dean, Alfie was Dean replacement while Cas and him had make up time, he wouldn't usually put on someone will so little experience considering he had only been employed for a week but Benny was needed in the booths and Charlie was so good Gabe might not have even needed him. 

"Oi bossman. For the safe." Meg said walking over and handing over her tips for her last set. As the owner Gabe took responsibility for the girls tips until the end of the night to stop thievery. Gabe swiveled on his bar stool looking over his club like a hawk as Meg ordered herself a beer. "How's our boy doing?" Meg asked inclining her beer to the door that led to the loading dock.

"Cas won." Gabriel said almost begrudgingly. Like he had told Cas, Dean mixed a wicked sex on the beach but he had seen the guy leave with more girls in the last few months then he cares to admit. He didn't mind as long as they weren't his dancers but seriously? 

"Bummer." Meg shrugged.

"Meg he is gay and you take of your clothes for money." Gabe stated matter-of-factually.

"What can I say I like the challenge." Meg smiled around the top of her bottle and gave a filthy wink that almost had Gabe dry reaching. "So you just pretend like you don't feel sick everytime you see Dean leave with a patron on ladies night or that you don't get just a tiny bit jealous when he leaves with an in-the-closet lawyer or drunk frat guy who just wants to experiment." She laughed holding her thumb and forefinger on either side of her brown eye. Gabe just grumbled hitting her hand down away from her face.

Dean returned behind the bar and Gabe said a quick farewell to Cas after he stopped to kiss Meg on the cheek, his eyes followed his little brother's giddy step out the front curtain as someone he really couldn't stand walked in. Gabe couldn't believe the gall, Ruby walked through the club keeping her eyes firmly on the stage as if she was just there to see the dancers. Gabriel knew so much better, any club owner worth his salt had a large file on Ruby and her 'pals' they were local drug dealers who pedalled their product to any idiot who were looking to ruin their lives. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing in my club?" Gabriel spat after crossing the floor and grabbing her upper arm to lead her back out the way she came. 

"Get your hands off me!" Ruby hollered thinking she was making a scene, really people couldn't give two shits what was going on off stage once Angel took off her bra. Ruby pulled her arm from Gabe's grasp once they were out on the sidewalk and pinned him with a dirty look which might have been intimidating to anyone who hadn't grown up with his mother constantly judging grimace. 

"Do you think me obtuse? I know who you are and what you do, I may have played it cool at Christmas but if you ever step foot in Casa again I will put you on your arse so hard it will glow red for a year." Gabriel snarled getting himself up in the girl's face. Ruby seemed completely unphased by his intrusion into her personal space and simply smiled with a flick of her hair. 

"It's a public place, darling. I was doing nothing wrong you have no reason to evict me." The smile on her bright red lips was equal to that of the Cheshire cat, cheeking and pushing every single one of Gabriel's short fused buttons. 

"Management has the right to refuse entry." He barked pointing to a sign in the club window not three feet from them. "Does Sam know what you do for a living?" He teased her smile dropping immediately and turning to a frown. 

"It's none of your business and neither is he." Ruby growled pushing back into his face.

"I'm sure big brother Dean would be very interested to hear about your source of income." It's was Gabe's turn to feel superior and it was working, Ruby's face was turning the same shade of her name with aggression as she took a step closer to the club owner looking down at his as she had height thanks to her heels. 

"If you know who my friends are you know I can make your life hell." She threatened but Gabe remained unmoved but her terrorizing. "You aren't fooling anyone, I know about your little crush on Sam we all saw it that night. He is disgusted by you and he is falling more in love with me every day as long as Sam is happy so is big brother, tell me who do you think either of them will believe." 

Gabriel couldn't help himself, he laughed in her face his smile wide bearing his teeth with dominance like one alpha fighting another. Gabriel reigned in his humour but kept a grin of self satisfaction knowing he had succeeded in getting under the bitches skin as her curled one arm up around the back of her head and pulled their foreheads together, to anyone around it would seem like two lovers about to kiss. 

"I don't need to say anything to anyone, darling." He said sickly sweet and mockingly. "You're bottom feeding parasite playing at gangster. Sooner or later Sam will see you for who you truly are; a manipulating, self serving, self obsessed little whore who will do anything for a high." Gabriel kissed her cheek before pushing away from her walking back to his club without a glance back. Gabriel knew what he would find even if he did and he really could bring himself to care.

As a good bouncer does Benny had seen Gabriel's exit and followed him out keeping an eye out for anyone who may witness the scene, there had been many times when Gabe's evictions had been less than legal if he felt like his girl's were in danger and Benny always served as great back up. Gabe didn't make him head of security for nothing. 

"That women does not get in here again, and when Cas and any of the girls leave I want you to personally make sure they get to their cars safely." Even though Gavriel had stood up against Ruby he knew her bosses by reputation they were not good people and if she felt like getting revenge she could have them hurt anyone he might care about. Benny just gave a stiff nod before following his boss back inside.


	15. One Way or Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair is getting beyond impatient.
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter Inspiration Song - One Way or Another by Blondie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some violence toward a women. Please be warned don't read if it is a trigger. 
> 
> Kudos and comments guys. Sorry it took so long and it is a bit short I have all the chapters planned out but I have to make the characters co-operate. Which of course they are not. 
> 
> Thank guys Enjoy xx

Christmas and the New Year had come and passed and he still couldn't get his mind off bright green eyes and plush red lips. I thought about them both now as he looked up at the cream ceiling above his king sized bed where he lay naked except for a thin sheet that covered him from waist down. Dean had once joined him in this bed, Alistair could clearly remember as if yesterday the smell of Dean sweaty hair and the taste of his salty come. The feel of Dean's blood that stained his lips when he marked the man's creamy throat to show anyone who dared to look that this pretty little slut was his. 

Alistair rolled from his hard mattress to ready himself for work eating nothing but almost inhaling bitter black coffee if only to be reminded if the taste of inside Dean's mouth. Every morning the man followed this strictest of routines, he lived for organisation, before leaving for work. The second Alistair was in his office and seated behind his desk he expected Lilith there with an update of current events. 

"Good morning, Sir." Lilith smiled brightly at her boss as if in admiration. Alistair couldn't help the annoyance he felt by just the sound of his assistants voice, good help was hard to find and if it wasn't for the fact he hated tedious paperwork he would fire on the spot but he did so he settled for knocking her down a peg.

"That very much depends on the information you bring. Eyes to the ground Lilith, you know the rules. And wipe that smile off your face this is a work place not a social gathering." Alistair spat shocking Lilith a little as she did what she was told, turning her face to a passive stone look with her eyes to the grey carpet below her feet. "Better. What do you have for me? Before you start..." he held up a hand to halt her as she lifted her head to speak. "I do not care about the rest of the case files, there is only one I want to discuss right now and in the near and distant future until it is solved." 

Lilith looked up at her employer with worry and unease, there was no good news for her to bring to him and she knew she was going to be punished for it. Alistair didn't like failure and this search had been going on for as long as she had been employed with the man before her. She tried to mentally prepare herself for the inevitable rage that would soon come. 

"Well?" Alistair insisted as he took a seat behind his huge desk and folded his hands atop the surface.

"There are about 100 black Impala's registered in California alone, Sir and probably many more that are not. We are still cross referencing all DMV photo's but we have had no luck in the California area. There is no way of knowing if Mr.Wesson is even still here." Lilith reported trying to remain business like but fear was making her jittery. 

"Widen the search then." Alistair called, though his voice didn't rise the intensity got sharper and Lilith felt herself begin to tremble.

"That would cost more money, Sir and resources that could be better used on other cases." Lilith mewled. Her body went rigid as she looked up from the manilla folders she held with case information in her boney fingers and watched as Alistair slowly got to his feet, his eyes read pure hate and she felt as if her face could melt under his piercing gaze. 

"I beg you pardon." He all but whispered. "What did you just say?" Alistair's eyes did not move from Lilith and she shrunk under his terrifying scrutiny. "Whose company is this?" He asked though the question was redundant and Lilith remained quiet her grey eyes returning to the matching coloured floor. "WHO'S?" Alister yelled causing the assistant to flinch away. 

"Y...Your's. Sir." Lilith stammered. 

"That would imply that it is my money to spend, correct?" Lilith could only nod but Alistair didn't need to hear her speak, she had said enough and it pissed him off. "Then as the owner and financial contributor to this company when I tell you to do something you do it." He called letting his hand fly out slapping her in the same way he had months before for almost the same reason. Lilith fell back into the chair behind her but Alistair followed her down gripping the arms of the chair in each of his fists and imposing himself into the woman's personal space. "No matter the cost, there is no other case more important. I don't care if you have to look in Australia, get your ass to the computers AND FIND ME THAT FUCKING CAR!" Alistair spat as he hauled Lilith to her feet by the front of her skimpy black halter neck and practically threw her at the closed pine door. 

Impatience wasn't even the word for what Alistair was feeling right now as he turned to the large window in his office and snapping the blinds up so he could look down to the street. It had been year since Dean had gotten away, Lilith was right and the thought alone made him sick to even think those words, but Dean could be anywhere. He had spent a year with the young man though and if there was one thing Alistair knew about Dean Wesson it was that where ever he was so was his brother Sam and that black car. Alistair had remembered that Sam had wanted to go to Stanford and it was the first place he had looked, to no avail. If he couldn't get to Dean via his family he would do it via the junk peice of tin Dean lived so much. 

Alistair was pulled from his thoughts by a rough knock on the door and placed him self professionally behind his desk before answering. 

"Enter." He called. The man that stepped through the door was somewhere in his mid fifties with balding salt and pepper hair. The man was dressed in a black buisness suit, was clean shaven and efficient. "Ah Zachariah." Alistair said pleasantly as he stepped out from behind his desk again and offered his hand to tue man before him. 

Zachariah was a detective with the California police department, was a crooked as one could get and had worked for Alistair since he first went into business. 

"I hear your in need of some information." Zacariah said as he placed himself in the chair Lilith had just been cowering in. 

"I need to find an old friend of mine. It's possible, actually it is extremely likely he has changed his name and has fled the city." Alistair said keeping certian details to himself, Zacariah maybe as clise to a friend as Alistair could get but he trusted nothing and noone. "I have my staff looking for the vehicle I think he could be driving but we have found nothing." Zacariah said nothing just sat and listening nodding his head to indicate he was listening as Alistair spoke. 

"I can do a cross reference check in the city data base." Zachariah said finally. "If you know names of other members of your friends family and his approximate year of birth, I can check out birth records it's a new system to find missing person's and is only supposed to be used by certain department heads, but I can pull a few favours for a fee." Alistair was pleased as he shook his friends hand and sent him away with details of Dean's family and when and where he could pick up his compensation. Alistair could almost taste victory and he was salivating for it. Before long Dean would be back in his bed where he belonged.


End file.
